Ever After

sequel to more myself with you

The Reasons

Beta by shelbecat

It’s almost dawn and they are lying in bed, the taste of cookies lingering in their mouths. Adam’s head is resting low on Kris’ abdomen; he is sucking a hickey on the soft flesh in quiet concentration.

“Ow,” Kris intones, looking down at him.

Adam looks up and smiles sheepishly.

“Sorry,” he says, fingers tracing the red outline. “This still doesn’t feel real.”

Kris grabs a hold of Adam’s messy hair and tugs him up, guiding him to lie next to him, head resting on a different pillow, but still close enough that their breath brushes each other’s lips.

“Why?” he asks.

There’s something tentative in Adam’s eyes. “It’s just that I’ve been telling myself this couldn’t possibly happen for years now. I made lists—I memorized them. I have so many reasons, Kris.”

Kris considers this. A part of him wants to just hug Adam until they fuse together, because he only spent the last couple of months wanting more than he had and thought it was torture; he can’t imagine what it would be like to live with that for years. But the wordless comfort would only last so far. They need to talk about this, hash it out, learn to believe and trust in each other. That’s how he thinks he can make that tentative look go away.

“This isn’t—” he says, but stops before he can finish the sentence. The subject is sensitive on so many levels; he doesn’t want to use the wrong words. “Maybe I didn’t know from the start, but this was inevitable, wasn’t it?” he asks, not expecting an answer. “I wasn’t ready to see it back then, that’s all.”

Adam seems even more timid now. He looks almost fearful of what might come out of this conversation. Kris hates seeing him like that. He places a hand on Adam’s cheek. He doesn’t mean to distract either of them; he just has to touch the freckles there.

“Even when I was with Katy, I wanted you with me always. And I think after a while, I didn’t need her like I was supposed to, because I had you.” He smiles. “It was just the sex that was missing,” he says, feeling his face heat up. “And that didn’t even occur to me.”

That earns him a smile. “It didn’t occur to you?”

Kris closes his eyes; this is so embarrassing. “I wasn’t looking at you like that!” he says. “I don’t even know what changed. It just hit me one day out of nowhere.”

The out of nowhere comment earns him a flinch Adam tries very hard to cover up. Kris feels like he is in the middle of a mine field, but it’s not acceptable to him to sit there and wait. They have to talk. They have to sort themselves out. He did a lot of not-talking with Katy towards the end; he is not going to let Adam repress anything if he can help it. His hand travels down, fingers lingering on Adam’s lips. Adam has freckles there too. Kris wonders if this kind of simple contact is as comforting for Adam as it is for him.

“I didn’t know I could want someone this much,” he whispers, all embarrassment cast aside. “And it’s not about the way you look, though that doesn’t hurt, but it’s like you’re everything I want and everything I need, and I didn’t know I could have that, I didn’t know I was allowed, until a switch flipped and I thought why not.”

Adam’s hand covers Kris’. He looks scared.

“Did you—you thought about this? Right?” Kris prods. He knows Adam has, but Adam never said much about what he wanted throughout this whole ordeal. He said no and there are reasons and I didn’t mean to and we shouldn’t, but he never really said what he wanted; not really.

“I never thought why not,” Adam says. “I knew why not.”

“You never thought it would work?”

Adam smiles at him, and pulls Kris’ hand over his lips to kiss it. “I fantasized that it would.”

That’s probably the saddest thing Kris has ever heard Adam say. Kris doesn’t want Adam to linger on those thoughts any longer though, so he chooses to make a joke of it. “What else did you fantasize about?”

“Lots of things,” Adam says and pretends to think about it. “Like—there was the bathtub. That huge thing at the mansion. That one was good.”

“A bathtub? That sounds surprisingly tame for you.”

Adam smirks at him. “You want whips and chains?” The smirk grows when Kris swallows kind of hard. Adam rolls his eyes. “No whips and chains. My fantasies about you were all pretty vanilla.”

It’s hard to believe anything involving Adam would be vanilla.

“I pretty much just wanted to fuck you against every available surface.”

Kris feels his heart rate picking up. They can do that. They can do that right now in fact.

“Against the wall,” Adam says. “Holding you up.” He releases Kris’ hand to rest his own on Kris’ hip, fingers moving softly, hypnotically. “Or in the kitchen. Bending you over the counter.”

Adam’s eyes are on fire now; dark and full of want. Kris has a hard time believing it’s because of him. He wets his lips. “You can do that,” he says, voice gone raspy. “Anytime you want.”

Adam moves even closer and lets his lips rest on Kris’. “I thought about kissing you a lot. Making out with you on the couch.”

Kris closes his eyes, his heart racing. They spent so many days and nights tangled together on the couch; that must have been so easy to imagine.

“And I pictured taking your clothes off, real slow, kissing you all over, and watching your face. God, I wanted to see your face so bad.”

Adam licks Kris’ lips open and Kris plasters their bodies together, pushing himself up and over Adam. It’s so easy to melt into his kiss, his touch, his warmth; it’s all so exciting and new, but at the same time familiar and safe. Adam wraps one leg around Kris’ thigh, and Kris finds himself moving against him unconsciously, the rhythm natural and easy.

The sounds Adam makes remind Kris of the recording of Adam he watched what feels like a million years ago. Adam sounds more excited now, broken open somehow, and Kris finds himself ridiculously proud of having done that. Adam’s head is thrown back on the pillow, his neck on display, an offering of freckles, his for the taking. Kris commits there and then to lick every freckle on his skin. They’ll just have to stay in this bed for as long as it takes—forever is just fine with Kris.

“Kris,” Adam moans and digs his nails into Kris’ hips, his leg pulling Kris in and keeping him close. His eyes are open now; he looks wrecked. Kris moves with renewed vigor. This is how Adam is supposed to look when he is with Kris; not unsure and definitely not scared.

Their sweat is mingling for the third time that day. They probably reek by now. Kris can’t find the will to care. Why shower when they are going to get messy soon after anyway? They’ll shower in about a week. That sounds like a good time to take a break.

Adam’s body tenses and Kris slows down; he doesn’t want it to be over so soon. He smiles against Adam’s collarbone when Adam makes a protesting sound in his throat. “Sssh,” he whispers. “Let me.”

It’s not odd at all to be with a man like this, probably because it’s Adam, and because Kris has been dreaming about this for months now. Adam’s body is beautiful and familiar, and Kris knows the way he moves. Maybe it’s not quite the same as snuggling on a couch or hugging as friends, but it’s everything Kris thought it would be, fluid and sensual and fiery, only even more vibrant than he could ever have imagined.

Kris kisses his lips; they look red and abused. It feels like a sin just looking at them. Then he lets his tongue meet Adam’s, tearing a groan from Adam’s throat, making his body arch up. There’s a storm gathering in Adam’s eyes, the blue-grey color swirling like clouds, and his body is tense like he is barely holding himself back. Kris thinks that sounds about right; Adam is giving him time to do this one his way, but he’ll probably make up for it later, manhandling Kris into the shower and fucking him against the tiles, wet and fast. Kris can’t stop his hips from picking up pace at that thought. He really needs to clear his schedule. He doubts either one of them will be good for much this week.

Adam comes first, pulling at Kris’ hair unintentionally when his hands tighten up along with the rest of his body. Kris watches his face. It’s breathtaking to see him shut his eyes as if he can’t bear it anymore and sigh Kris’ name. It feels right, there’s nothing to be unsure about here. This is exactly where they were supposed to end up. He lets go soon after, his orgasm catching him unawares while he’s busy watching Adam, and his elbows give out. He slides down to the right slightly, his body is past rubbery and going for liquid now, and Adam’s arms pull him back up, holding him where he is, his head nestled in Adam’s neck.

“Your reasons are stupid,” Kris mumbles against his skin.

He feels more than hears the chuckle Adam lets out. “You don’t wanna hear them first?”

“Nope,” Kris says, licking the closest freckle without moving his head. “My reasons are way better.”

“Let’s hear it then,” Adam says, running a hand down Kris’ back and making him shiver.

“One,” Kris announces. “Because the sex is amazing.”

Adam hmms his assent.

“Two. Because I am in love with you.”

Adam drops a kiss to his forehead. Kris wishes he could see his face, but moving his head does not seem feasible right now.

“Three. Because at this point I don’t think we’d be any good for anyone else.”

Adam sighs happily. “Yeah, you’re probably right about that one.”

“Four. I think my mom taught me how to bake the chocolate chip cookies so I can woo you with them.”

Adam chuckles.

 

Josephine Finds Out

Beta by shelbecat

“Holy fuck! I thought George was fucking joking.”

Kris startles awake and promptly falls off the couch. Adam’s head appears from above the couch cushions, sleepily tousled and cracking up.

“You should never have given her a key,” he says.

“Seriously?” Josephine screeches, taking in her naked boss on the floor, and Adam giggling on the couch, also obviously naked under the covers.

“For God’s sake, don’t break him,” Adam says. “I just got him.”

Kris doesn’t even know who to roll his eyes at. “Do you mind?” he says to Josephine. “I’m kind of naked.”

“I noticed!” she says, throwing her arms up. “With Adam!”

Kris sighs. “Josephine. Out.”

Her mouth opens and closes like a fish, then she shakes her head.

“You couldn’t have waited two more weeks? I owe George a hundred bucks now.”

 

Penguins

Charity Drabble #23, for kairi_01

Beta by shelbecat

Kris' couch is comfortable, but it's nowhere near large enough for the two of them to sprawl on. Kris blames Adam for that. If Adam wasn't a giant, they would have fit easily. But as it is, his boyfriend is larger than life and Kris always ends up half on top of him when they lie down while watching TV—which is pretty much inevitable, seeing how Adam has an aversion to sitting up.

Right now, the TV is on with the sound down, and there's a documentary on it, about penguins of all things, that Adam has been watching spellbound for the last half hour. He keeps elbowing Kris and telling him weird penguin facts that Kris honestly couldn't care less about.

"Did you know that there are some penguins that are all white?"

Kris hmm's at him, turning his head to rest his cheek on Adam's chest. On the screen, the tiny penguins are walking around following their mothers. Or fathers, Kris can't really tell the difference. They look funny and fluffy. Adam has a thing for fluffy and cute things.

"They are not albinos or anything. It's a whole other species."

One of the chicks slide down a hill and an adult follows after it. The camera pans to show a couple of sea lions hanging out close by. It's a dangerous world for a tiny penguin.

Kris sees Adam's face fall from the corner of his eyes.

"More than half the babies die, you know," he says in a hushed tone. "Too many predators."

Kris lets his hand snake under Adam's t-shirt to pet his side. Adam leans down to drop a kiss on his head.

When Kris next looks up, he sees a couple of penguins wing slapping each other. He doesn't know if they are supposed to be fighting or what, but they look really stupid.

"They talk to each other you know," Adam tells him. "I mean they communicate by sound. They use their voices to attract a mate, and once they do, they mate for life."

"Kind of like us," Kris says, looking up at Adam's neck and the freckles there. He wants to move up a little bit and play connect the dots with them, but Adam is way too into watching this thing to let him.

Adam grins wide. "I didn't fall in love with your voice," he informs Kris.

"Really?"

"I do love your voice, but at first it was your smile. And your eyes. And your whole stupid face."

Kris makes a face at him, possibly proving Adam's point.

"The voice was just a nice bonus."

Kris finds this declaration enough motivation to pull himself up on his elbows and let his lips explore Adam's neck. Adam's skin is warm—it smells like sleep, like messy bed sheets, like lazy Sunday mornings.

"And we're not gonna have chicks together, so I don't think we're much like the penguins."

"Would've made a cute one," Kris says into Adam's neck. "A fluffy chick with your eyes. Aww."

Adam swats his head. "And your hair?"

"Well. No. If it's gonna be fluffy, it's sure to have your hair." He pets Adam's messy hair, too long and going every which way.

Adam gives him a serious look—which the state of his hair renders completely ineffective. "I'm glad we're not having chicks. I'm not good with small things. I would've dropped it for sure."

Kris snickers.

"Don't laugh! It would've been traumatic."

"Okay, okay," Kris says, kissing him on the cheek. "No dropping the nonexistent chick."

"Oooh, look," Adam says suddenly, eyes riveted on the screen. "They're walking to the sea!"

Kris can't see what's so interesting about that. What seem to be a million identical penguins are walking in a straight line like prisoners. Sometimes they bump into each other, but mostly it's just monotonous. He turns his attention back to Adam's neck, nuzzling the soft skin behind his ear and moving down to nip at his collarbone.

"The chicks are going to swim for the first time!" he hears Adam say enthusiastically, but he doesn't look up. He's sure the chicks will do fine without him.

He kisses Adam's throat, his hands moving up under Adam's t-shirt to bury his fingers in Adam's chest hair. His knees nudge Adam's legs apart to settle his hips between them. It's the perfect place, perfect time, perfect mood—except for the penguins.

"They sleep standing up, isn't that weird?"

Kris bites Adam's ear to show just how much he doesn't care about that. Adam doesn't even twitch. Kris licks a wet stripe down Adam's neck to see if that will get his attention. It earns him a sigh, which is something, but not exactly what he was hoping for. Sucking his nipple through the fabric of his t-shirt gets him a hand in his hair. Adam arches into his mouth, but still doesn't look away from the screen.

"Adam," Kris says, pinching Adam on the side to get his attention.

"Hmm?"

"Remember what you said about making out on the couch?"

"When?" Adam asks, brows drawn together.

"That first night. You said you wanted to make out on the couch." He pretends to think. "And there was something about kissing me all over, I think."

Adam blinks at him. "Yes. I do remember."

Kris wiggles his fingers where they are resting under Adam's t-shirt. "Now is the time."

"What?" Adam says, looking confused, but then Kris runs his hands slowly down to Adam's stomach and Adam finally gets it. "Oh! Yes. Now is the time. For making out."

"Yes." Kris nods, glad to have gotten his point across finally. He leans down to lick Adam's lower lip and whispers against his mouth. "Enough with the penguins."

Adam turns off the TV.

 

The Difference

Charity Drabble #17, for mondavi2000

Beta by shelbecat

They are getting ready for bed when Adam blurts it out.

"You should fuck me."

Kris takes his toothbrush out of his mouth to speak. "What, now?"

"Not now," Adam says, rolling his eyes at him through the mirror. "I'm just saying. We should try that too."

Kris rinses his mouth. This is not something he'd like to talk about with his mouth full of foam.

"You're bored with the sex? Already?"

It wouldn't surprise him if Adam is, really. He knows Adam isn't the slut people make him out to be, but he is slightly hyperactive—even more so when it comes to sex. And it's not that they haven't been having a whole lot of it; it's just that Kris has been worried that Adam would find it repetitive and dull. Kris is willing to try...well, pretty much anything for Adam, but so far, Adam's been making good on his promise to fuck Kris against every available surface and that's it. There hasn't been anything kinky or creative at all—Kris has kind of been waiting for it.

Not that there's anything kinky about Adam wanting to be fucked. But what if he can't ask for what he really wants and is making this up instead as a change of pace? Adam has been known to do weirder things.

"Don't be fucking ridiculous," Adam says. "What I'm trying to say is, how would you know which one you like better if you don't try it from both sides?"

Kris relaxes a little. It's not what he expected after all. "Trust me, I'd know," he says with a grin.

Adam gives him a look which Kris reads as Puh-leeease.

"I'm sure," Kris says defensively.

Adam narrows his eyes. "Are you saying no to me?"

Kris scoffs at the sudden mood change. "Of course not. Don't be stupid. I just. I've been with women all my life, I know how that part goes—"

"Ha!" Adam says and lets out an incredulous laugh. "You have no idea, do you?"

"About what?"

~

"You don't have to be so careful with me."

Adam is annoying when he is bottoming. Kris makes a note of that for future reference. He pulls his fingers out slowly and carefully; no matter what Adam says, he refuses to make a mess of this the first time around.

"I'm not a fragile little girl, you know."

"You were careful with me the first time," Kris says, pushing Adam's right leg up to his chest. "Are you saying you thought I was a fragile little girl?"

"Well, this isn't my first time," Adam clarifies.

Kris huffs at him as he lines himself up. "Thank you for reminding me."

"Awww, don't be jealous," Adam says, reaching a hand to pinch Kris' cheek. Kris jerks his head back to get out of range. He gives Adam a reproachful look. This isn't exactly getting him in the mood.

"Just shut up and let me do this, will you," Kris says, concentrating on the logistics of what he is trying to do. His arm is going to hurt like a bitch from holding Adam's leg up, but he can't see any other way to do it like this. Maybe he should have made Adam hold both his legs up? He dismisses the idea. Whatever. He'll turn Adam around if this gets too uncomfortable. And at least that way Adam won't be able to make stupid faces at him.

"I am going to die of old age—"

Kris pushes in with one determinedly long stroke. "Better?"

Adam's face goes—thankfully—slack. "Oh yeah."

Kris starts moving with shallow thrusts, trying to get a feel for it. It's different, Adam is right about that anyway. It feels tighter and hotter and just more in every way than it does with a woman, but it also feels awkward to him, possibly due to his inexperience, because it doesn't feel awkward when they do it the other way around, it just feels natural. He has to congratulate himself on this; it's possibly the most unsexy sex they have had so far.

He tries to move like Adam does, find the spots Adam hits with every thrust, and after a while it seems to work, Adam starts to pant and the stupid comments and the faces stop. Kris realizes he was tensing up only when Adam starts to enjoy himself and his own shoulders drop in response. Adam didn't exactly put any pressure on him over this, he acted like it was no big deal from the start, but Kris is good at creating unnecessary pressure all by himself apparently. One of Adam's hands reach up to grab his neck and his thumb grazes Kris' lips. Kris opens his mouth to take it in, watching as fires engulf Adam's eyes under him. Oh yes, there is no unsexy here now. They are going to enjoy the hell out of this.

It turns out Adam is a lot more noisy when he is getting fucked. Kris decides to take that as a compliment, but the noises aren't helping with the plan he had for holding back until the last possible minute. He can see that last possible minute coming closer with every moan from Adam, with every new swear word exploding in his ears. They are both panting and sweating, and Kris' arms are starting to tremble, threatening to collapse. He is close, so so close. He just wishes he had a clock somewhere close by so he could tell how long it's been. First time or not, he wants it to last a respectable length of time.

"Come on, Kris, come on," Adam says, moving up to meet his thrusts. "Fuck me harder, come on."

Kris shuts his eyes tight. This isn't helping. "Shush."

"More. Come on."

Adam's hand grabs Kris' ass and pulls him in sharply, drawing gasps from both of them, and as Kris bites down on his own lip to try and concentrate on holding back, Adam moans his name and comes all over their stomachs. Kris opens his eyes to look down and see for himself, and there it is, Adam looking pliant and all fucked out, a blissful look on his face, no trace left of the monster who wouldn't shut up for two seconds. Their eyes meet and Adam gives him the sweetest smile; Kris finds himself bending impossibly down to meet his lips.

Adam urges him to move with a leg around his hips and Kris does, keeping their mouths locked, paying no mind to the fact that his arm and Adam's leg will probably be out of commission after this. He is beyond caring about a couple of limbs. It doesn't take long for his orgasm to build, it feels like he's been on the edge forever anyway. Adam murmurs things to him, Kris has no idea what, but it sets him at ease and gets him in the mood, because that's familiar, that's what Adam is usually like during sex, murmurs and low voices, not talking and bitching, and Kris kisses him harder and deeper in response and releases his groan into his mouth as he comes.

Afterwards they lay tangled on the bed, Kris' body aching in all sorts of new places, and Adam peppers kisses everywhere he can reach. Kris vaguely thinks that maybe this was a big deal for Adam too. Maybe he was just as nervous. As hard as it is to believe that Adam would be nervous about sex, it would explain a lot.

"So what do you think?" Adam asks, pressing a kiss to Kris' arm. "Different than sex with a woman?"

Kris chuckles. "Yeah. Definitely different."

"Better?" Adam prods.

"Are you fishing for compliments?"

Adam pouts.

Kris smiles at him. "Sex with you is always better."

Adam gives him a sappy grin. "Of course it is."

 

Cops and Robbers

Charity Drabble #12, for ellieav

Beta by shelbecat

Adam grabs him by the arms and pushes him against the wall the second he enters the apartment. The back of Kris’ head hits the wall with a soft thud.

“Hi,” Kris says, eyebrows climbing up.

Adam looks a little crazy, his hair standing up in all directions, his clothes creased, probably from spending the last couple of hours camped out on the couch. Kris finds himself thinking that they should do something about Adam’s TV addiction, but then he gets distracted.

“Hi,” Adam says, raising both of Kris’ arms up to hold his wrists against the wall with one hand. His hands are large enough—large enough to do a lot of things to Kris, as it turns out. Kris knew they were good for helping him out and warming him up, but apparently, he didn’t even know the half of it. Being Adam Lambert’s boyfriend has brought with it a whole slew of kinks for Kris. Now he finds himself enjoying being manhandled like this, and judging by all the blood rushing downwards, he has a feeling he is going to like being held down too. Maybe. A little bit. Or possibly a lot.

“Are we playing Cops and Robbers?” Kris asks him conversationally.

Adam gives him a wicked smirk. “Oh yes,” he says. “This is the porn version. Cocks and Rubbers.”

Adam’s free hand starts undoing Kris’ shirt buttons slowly, one by one. Kris wriggles against him a little. This is kind of uncomfortable for him. He is wearing one of his tightest shirts—Adam’s influence—and it’s pulling uncomfortably in places with his arms up like this. Why does Adam need his arms up anyway? It’s not like Kris is going to fight it. He didn’t keep score exactly, but Kris hasn’t been fighting it for at least a couple of times a day for weeks now.

When Kris’ shirt is hanging open, all the buttons undone, Adam plasters himself to Kris, working one leg between Kris’ and running a teasing hand up his chest. Kris’ stomach trembles at the contact and his body wants to melt against Adam. With his current position though, all he can do is let his head lean forward and his forehead rest against Adam’s cheek.

Adam takes his time, his hand roaming everywhere he can reach; then he leans down a little to clamp his lips on a nipple. Kris lets out a surprised yelp. Adam’s mouth feels scorching, as if it’s full of lava, and the feeling spreads deeper through his chest, setting his heart and lungs on fire.

“Adam,” Kris says, completely out of breath all of a sudden. “Adam, what…?”

“You were gone forever,” Adam tells him, his breath tickling Kris’ skin. He calmly moves on to the other nipple, tugging at Kris’ chest hair a little. “I missed you,” he says, the pout evident in his tone.

“I was gone for two hours.”

Adam buries his face in Kris’ neck with a groan and nips at his collarbone. “Felt like forever,” he says, nosing at the back of Kris’ ear, making him shiver. Kris makes a note to look into possible codependency issues—because it did feel a bit like forever to him too. He keeps finding himself rushing through the rest of his life to get to the Adam parts these days. That can’t possibly be healthy.

“Okay,” Kris says, wriggling a little more to get his hands free. They can totally do something to sooth both their issues, no matter how unhealthy. But Adam only holds his wrists tighter and doesn’t let him free.

“No,” Adam tells him firmly. “Stay.”

Kris huffs in annoyance, wasting his glare on Adam’s hair. “I’m not a dog.”

Adam’s hand travels down and cups him through his jeans, putting just enough pressure to make him draw in a deep breath, but not enough to do any good. He smirks up at Kris. “I know that. But I have a plan. And you need to stick to it.”

Kris has always had his doubts about Adam’s plans. He does trust him with the sex though—oh, does he ever—so he stops struggling and decides to go with it.

Adam unbuttons Kris’ jeans and reaches inside to take a hold of Kris’ cock. Kris lets himself slump a little against him—if he is not allowed to participate, he can at least relax and enjoy this. Adam strokes him lazily, as if saying hello to certain parts of Kris’ anatomy, and teases him mercilessly with light touches in all the right places until Kris is trembling slightly.

“Keep your hands up,” he says and lets go of Kris’ wrists. He kneels down gracefully, taking Kris’ jeans and underwear down with him. Then his mouth is on Kris and there is no way Kris’ hands are staying up anymore. A drawn out moan escapes his lips and his fingers tangle in the black locks of Adam’s hair to pull him even closer.

Adam pulls back with a wet sound and whines. “Told you to keep your hands up.”

Kris whines back at him. “Adam, for God’s sake, you can tie me up later. Can you please go back to what you’re doing now?”

“Really?” Adam sounds intrigued, and looks like he wants to discuss the matter in great detail, but Kris is so very much done with the talking. He needs to teach Adam that there is a time for discussing Kris’ newly developed kinks and a time for shutting up and sucking his dick.

“Yes, yes,” Kris says, pulling Adam none-so-gently back towards his cock. Adam opens wide and takes it in with a raised eyebrow that says this conversation is nowhere near over yet. They are apparently going to be talking about this, and Adam will probably make him blush to the roots of his hair, but at that moment, Kris can’t find the will to care.

The way Adam gives blowjobs is kind of like the way he sings. He goes all out, does it with his whole body, his whole being even, and pours everything he has into it. He is also damn good at it—as he is at everything he cares enough to try—and he knows it too, so there’s a bit of that gloating air in there as well. Kris doesn’t mind the gloating. As long as Kris is the only person on the receiving end of these blowjobs, Adam can gloat all he wants.

Adam draws back and looks up at him, his lips shiny and puffy. Kris swallows hard at the sight. After all this time, the effect his lips have on Kris has not lessened one bit. “What?” he rasps.

“Wait right here.”

Kris looks down at himself, half-naked and thoroughly mussed, and then at Adam’s back, retreating towards the bathroom. An incredulous laugh leaves his throat. Really? He is leaving him now? He looks around stupidly, trying to decide if he should be heading to the bedroom or getting dressed, but before he can make up his mind, Adam comes back with condoms in his hands—at least ten of them—and the lube.

“Are you serious?” Kris asks him. “Here?” They do have a bedroom not too far away. The couch would also work. Or maybe even the table. Kris just doesn’t see the allure of the patch of wall next to the front door. It’s all kinds of awkward.

“Yes,” Adam says with a growl. “New plan. Going to fuck you through the wall.”

The drawl does the trick and Kris lets a part of his anatomy that is most definitely not his brain make the decision. “Okay,” he agrees easily.

“Turn around,” Adam says, hands already moving him. Kris goes without protest. He braces himself against the wall with his hands and chuckles at the position. It’s back to Cops and Robbers it seems.

Adam pulls his jeans further down and helps him take them off along with his shoes. When he is free of the clothes, Kris hears him uncap the lube.

Kris is way past feeling awkward about this anymore, but this time it feels even easier than normal. Adam’s forehead is pressed against the back of his neck and his whole body is plastered against his back. Kris would’ve preferred him to be naked at this point as well, but since Adam has a plan, he doesn’t say anything. Two of Adam’s fingers tease their way into him and Kris leans his face on his own arm, taking in deep breaths. Hard to believe that this part made him uncomfortable once upon a time, when it is actually slowly becoming his favorite part now; the anticipation, the intimacy, the calm before the storm.

Adam bites his neck hard as he presses a third finger in and Kris starts moving to his rhythm. He can’t keep his breathing normal anymore; it has started to build, the warmth turning into hot coals and the urgency overwhelming him. He moans, “Adam, come on,” and Adam thankfully doesn’t make him wait for long.

He hears the sound of Adam’s belt being undone, his belt buckle clattering heavily, then his jeans being unzipped. Adam tears one of the condom packets open and a couple seconds later, he is there; his arm around Kris’ chest, his cock nudging inside and his lips against Kris’ jaw, seeking his mouth. Kris turns his head around and gives him the filthiest kiss he can manage, and his moan gets lost in Adam’s mouth at the first thrust.

Adam places one of his hands over Kris’ on the wall and tangles their fingers together. He starts slow, murmuring nonsense in Kris’ ear and taking the time to let them get used to being connected again, but soon he starts picking up pace to fulfill his promise to fuck Kris through the wall. Kris finds himself trying to hold on and stay standing, but there’s nothing to hold on to. Adam’s weight against him and his arms around him keep him where he is and he bites his own arm in order to not scream the place down.

He feels stretched like a rubber band and everything inside him uncoils at the first touch of Adam’s hand on his cock. Adam keeps fucking him through his orgasm, gripping his hips in an iron grip that’s probably going to leave bruises, and moving in erratic moves. Then he comes with a shout that Kris thinks sounds a bit like laughter and slumps against Kris’ back, his puffing breaths tickling Kris’ ear.

“You alive?” Kris asks when his breathing returns to normal, bringing both of Adam’s arms around himself, one of them covered in Kris’ come. They are both sticky and disgusting already anyway and Kris does need the cuddle.

Adam snickers. Kris feels his lips moving against his skin, his tongue licking the line of the chain around Kris’ neck and then playing lazily with the clasp.

“That was awesome,” Adam says, a sluggish laughter in his voice.

Kris rolls his eyes. His boyfriend is a fifteen-year-old at heart. “Can we please go shower now?”

“Nuh-uh,” Adam says, pulling back and grabbing Kris’ wrist as if he expects him to make a break for it. “No shower. You promised. I get to tie you up now.”

 

Worth a Thousand Words

Beta by shelbecat

They talk about it for a long time before they decide to go for it.

In the end, Kris still thinks that it would be using their relationship to promote their careers, and to him, that’s just tacky, but he does agree with Adam when he insists that it’s better to have a credible source out there since their private lives are gossip material for everyone anyway.

They go with Rolling Stone because Adam has a soft spot for them.

The photo shoot is scheduled a week before the interview. The photographer is a French guy that Adam has worked with before, and Kris has no idea what he says half the time, but he is pretty cool about Kris’ boundaries while working with what he has to the fullest. Still, Kris doesn’t really know how good the guy is until he sees the pictures.

The ones with them tangled on the couch are pretty cute, but Adam dumps them saying they are too tame, been done a couple million times before. The ones with a shirtless Adam hugging Kris from behind are vetoed by Kris, because he thinks it looks just odd with one of them half naked, the other fully dressed. They wanted him to lose the shirt too, but seriously, that just wasn’t happening. Kris doesn’t think he’ll ever be that gay, thank you very much.

The next set of pictures makes Kris pause. In the glossy black and white print, Adam is sitting in a make-up chair, turned away from the mirror, and Kris is standing between his knees, holding a cotton ball to Adam’s face. Kris doesn’t remember what they were talking about, but he knows they weren’t posing, didn’t even know they were being photographed. The cotton ball is running down Adam’s cheek in the next picture, taking a line of foundation with it. And the one after that is a close up of their faces. Adam lets out a surprised huff of breath when he sees it over Kris’ shoulder.

There’s naked want in Kris’ face in the picture, an unmistakable fire in his eyes. It makes Kris blink and look again, because he has never seen himself look like that before. He didn’t know he could look like that. That’s what Adam sees when I look at him, he thinks, fascinated. It is no surprise that he is turned on, because Adam’s make-up is always a turn on for Kris, and inexplicably enough, removing it is almost a kink by now. It’s the way the freckles appear from beneath the layer of foundation, familiar and beautiful and so completely his. The whole world thinks they own a piece of Adam, but they’ll never have that part, never get to see the vulnerable, tired, naked Adam. No one else will ever know how he looks when he is insecure, when he is hurting, or when he is happily purring under Kris’ hands. That’s all his.

All his life Kris thought he wasn’t a jealous person, that he was too sensible and confident to be possessive of a lover. Now he knows better. Maybe it’s different because he has to share him with millions of people on a daily basis, or maybe he just loves him too much, the thought of losing even a tiny part of him is unbearable, but either way, he likes letting people know Adam is his. An arm around his waist, a kiss on his cheek; it’s all small and harmless stuff, but he does like staking his claim.

“This one, I think,” he says.

Adam turns him around to take a look at the picture once again, and then looks up at him. “Not too personal?”

It is too personal. But that’s the one Kris thinks they should use anyway. He shrugs.

Adam looks at him, taking his time to study his face. It never fails to make Kris blush when he focuses on him like that.

“Okay,” he says finally, placing a kiss on Kris’ forehead, and taking the pictures from his lax grip. “I’ll go tell them.”

~

RS: I know this is a touchy subject, but it’s the thing everyone is wondering. Kris, you were married. And you were straight. What exactly happened there?

KA: [ chuckles ] Well. Adam happened, I suppose. But to be honest, neither of us were trying to get here. Back then I mean—when I was married and straight. We were good friends, best friends, and we thought it would stay that way. It took me a long while to see that it didn’t really have to. That I didn’t want it to. And Adam fought me every step of the way.

RS: He fought you?

KA: Yeah. He did. He had a whole list of reasons why we shouldn’t change the status quo.

AL: They were good reasons.

KA: Who are you kidding? Your reasons suck.

RS: So how did this happen?

KA: I baked him cookies. He caved.

RS: How long have you two been together?

AL: Almost ten months.

RS: And you only came out two months ago. How did you manage to keep it quiet for so long?

AL: We already spent a lot of time together. It wasn’t a big deal when we were seen hanging out.

RS: Then you didn’t really have to come out at all. Why did you?

AL: You know, when I came out, some people said it was a career suicide, but I think not doing it would have been emotional suicide instead. This was a continuation of that for me. Our families knew, there was no reason to lie.

KA: I touch him constantly. I’m the kind of guy who likes holding hands. It was getting ridiculous. I wasn’t going to spend the next forty years keeping my hands to myself.

AL: The next forty years? Really. [ grins ]

KA: Well, yeah. You got a problem with that?

AL: Nope. Sounds good. For a start.

 

Home

Beta by shelbecat

Kris throws himself on the bed, clothes and all, making Adam yelp in surprise. He’s been away for three days, sleeping in empty hotel rooms and missing home, so he takes a deep breath of their bed, the familiar smell of lavender mixed with Adam’s sweat fills his lungs. It’s good to be finally home.

“You’re back,” Adam says, head sticking out from under the sheets, his hair going every which way. Kris is in love with Adam’s hair first thing in the morning.

Adam lets out an unhappy sound, making gimme motions with his hands. Kris rolls himself into his arms, and Adam hugs him, warm and tight.

“I missed you,” Kris breathes into his neck.

“Mmm-hmm,” Adam agrees. He trails kisses down Kris’ temple, and sucks his earlobe.

Kris chuckles. “Would you hate me if I said I was too tired for sex?”

“The spark is gone already, huh?” Adam jokes.

“I’m just so tired,” Kris whines.

Adam manhandles him under the covers and fits their bodies together, spooning him. He laces their fingers together over Kris’ chest and sighs against the back of his neck.

“We’ll just cuddle then—like the tired, old people that we are.”

Kris elbows him in the stomach.

He is almost asleep when he sees the new additions to their wall. Three pictures from the Rolling Stone photo shoot, framed and hung right next to each other. A close up of Adam’s face looking up at Kris in the first picture, his eyes shining with affection, Kris wiping Adam’s eyeliner off in the second one, holding his face tilted up with a hand on his chin, an intense and concentrated look in his eyes, and the last one is of them pulling away from a kiss, both their lips parted and wet, the ball of cotton forgotten in Kris’ hand.

Looking at it feels a bit like watching porn.

“You like it?” Adam whispers in his ear.

Kris brings their entwined hands down to the fly of his jeans, leaving Adam’s hand there to use his own to bring their mouths together over his shoulder in a wet and messy kiss.

“What do you think?”

“I think you’re not that tired after all,” Adam says with a self-satisfied smirk.

Kris licks the smirk off his face.

 

Hero

Charity Drabble #21, for lexzilla

Beta by shelbecat

Normally Adam makes a point not to watch his own or Kris' interviews. He decided long ago that it's better not to know how you look or sound on TV, or you end up getting obsessed with it. For this though, he makes an exception.

On the screen, Kris whirls around to face the paparazzi who must have asked the unfortunate question. A million flashes go off around him, making his eyes look bright and scary.

"You know what, I'm sick of this question. I'm going to answer it once and for all."

He pulls the microphone towards his mouth and looks directly at the guy with seething anger.

"No, Adam didn't seduce me. He didn't make me cheat on my wife. And he didn't ruin my marriage. I was the one that ruined my marriage. Adam was nothing but respectful of Katy and he was always supportive of me. Before and after the divorce."

There's an eerie silence, broken only by the sounds of the flashes and the cameras. The paparazzi are all quiet, listening without shouting questions for once. Adam doesn't think he's ever seen that happen before. It's a momentous event for Hollywood.

"Best friends do fall in love sometimes; we're not the first, we won't be the last. There's nothing surprising about it. And if you're bothered by the fact that I fell in love with a man, then your problem is with me, not with Adam."

He lets go of the microphone and takes a step back.

"He doesn't deserve this shit," he says as he leaves.

~

Kris groans, standing behind the couch, taking off his jacket and staring at the screen.

"Please tell me you didn't watch this."

Adam grins. "I did." He pulls Kris down next to him, wrapping his legs around Kris' waist and resting his head on his shoulder. "You look hot when you're angry."

Kris puts a hand over his eyes and groans again. "I look demented."

"Demented," Adam agrees, "but hot."

Kris lets his head fall back on the back of the couch. "I hate this."

"Hey, come on," Adam says. He pulls himself up to straddle Kris' thighs and sit on his lap. His hands cup Kris' face to make him look up. "Don't mind those jerks."

"I can't just not mind them. I do mind. I don't want them to talk to shit about you because of me."

"I can take it."

"You shouldn't have to."

Adam leans down to brush a soft kiss against Kris' lips. Kris follows him up when he tries to pull back.

"And you didn't ruin your marriage by the way," Adam says to Kris. "That's not how it works. It takes two people."

"I know. I know," Kris says; it's something they've talked about before. He sighs. "We should just run away."

"We can't just run away." Adam kisses down the side of Kris neck. Kris turns his head to the side to give him better access.

"And you're supposed to be the spontaneous one," Kris complains.

Adam bites his neck and pulls back to look him in the eyes. "I like it here. This house, this life. They can't really get in here, you know. You just need to learn to leave the bullshit at the door."

Kris' eyes go soft and he runs a hand over Adam's forehead and into his hair. "I love you. A lot."

Adam grins. "Love you a lot, too." He bats his eyelashes. "My hero."

 

Too Much and Not Enough

Beta by shelbecat & drgaelllon

They were supposed to leave half an hour ago, yet Kris is just now finishing up in the bathroom. Somehow, he managed to misjudge the time it would take for Adam to do his hair and make-up by about fifty minutes. That just goes to show how much time they spend apart these days—he is beginning to forget the stupidest little things.

Kris kind of hates that Adam is so big in Europe. Oceans make things way too hard for them.

It’s not like Kris isn’t busy himself. He is working on what he is hoping will be the best album of his career so far—and that means he is in the studio almost 16 hours a day. But at least he gets to come home every night. Though even when he was touring Kris never did Europe as much or for as long as Adam does anyway. It was mostly the charity that took him abroad in the last year or so, and his trips to Africa are usually counted in days, not weeks.

He tries not to miss Adam when they are apart. He tries to remember how, back in the day, the phone calls were enough. He tries to recall what it felt like to be separated from Katy. Surely he wasn’t this bad back then? He couldn’t have been. He doesn’t think he has ever been this pathetically in love.

Adam loves that phrase. Kris has been using it from the very beginning. He even let it slip in an interview once. He is pathetically in love with Adam. It is all so completely out of his hands and big and crushing, there is no other way to describe it. There are other words that fit; madly, deeply, stupidly, passionately, but none of them encapsulate the whole feeling, the bewilderment when he looks over and Adam is there, the elation when they touch, the helpless panic he gets at the thought of losing him one day. He wants anything and everything Adam will give, which is plenty, but even that is not enough. Kris is always left wanting more.

He wraps one of the impossibly fluffy towels Adam brought with him when he moved in around his waist and runs a hand through his wet hair. He wipes the mirror to take a look at his face. He looks pathetically in love alright, and also ridiculously happy.

“You know there’s fashionably late, and then there’s just missing the whole event.”

Adam is sitting on the bed, perfectly made with his favorite sheets—their maid has a psychic link with Adam or something. His favorites start popping out of nowhere whenever he comes back from a long trip. Kris never gets that kind of special treatment. He would pout about it, but then again, he enjoys spoiling Adam too.

When his eyes land on Adam, he forgets all about the sheets. Adam looks immaculate, not a hair out of place. Almost unnaturally perfect with his black tux and slicked back hair—the look takes Kris back to Daniel’s wedding day, and everything he felt then washes over him in waves, making him stagger where he stands. He opens his mouth, but there is no sound, because all air has left his lungs and he can’t coordinate his body to manage to breathe more in.

“What?” Adam says, for once not recognizing the clues Kris is wordlessly screaming out. Adam is usually too good at catching Kris’ silent hints and using them to tease and torture him in return. He must be really tired if he is missing this one.

It is not conscious decision but muscle memory that makes Kris walk the distance between them. He figures since they spent so much time wrapped around each other this last year, now his body just drifts toward Adam whenever he lets it go. His knees hit the edge of the bed and Adam looks up at him, surprised and pleased.

“We’re already late,” he offers with a raised eyebrow. It’s not an objection; he is leaving it up to Kris. As he should, Kris thinks, and lets his lips turn up slightly. He has a newfound taste for taking control and leading the way.

Kris has all kinds of curves and niches mapped out on Adam’s body for fitting parts of his own around and into. His hands fit perfectly around Adam’s face, like his cheeks were designed and reserved just for them, and Adam looks up easily, yielding and pliant.

Their kisses don’t feel like electricity anymore. They are far too familiar and comfortable with each other to be startled and surprised. Instead, kissing Adam makes Kris think of eating cream now; warm and rich, sliding into his mouth and bursting with a thick flavor on his tongue. Kris likes to savor their kisses, not rush through them. It’s exactly the way he enjoys eating his dessert.

Adam’s lips taste of some kind of lip gloss. That’s another familiar taste for Kris nowadays. He rubs their mouths together, the sticky liquid catching the skin of his lips and smudging all over them, and then he lets Adam lick it off, making little needy noises in his throat.

He climbs up the bed, knees on either side of Adam’s thighs and his towel falls away. Adam’s hands go up his legs slowly, his broad palms brushing away drops of water still clinging to Kris’ skin and Adam’s fingers teasing the insides of his thighs. One of his hands grab Kris’ ass and pulls him down to sit in his lap.

“Look what you did,” Adam says, looking down at his creased and sodden tux.

Kris grins and shakes his head like a dog, sending water drops every which way. “I don’t care,” he says.

Adam opens his mouth, but Kris is done with the talking portion of the evening, so he shuts him up with his tongue. He pushes his hands inside Adam’s jacket and pulls his shirt out of his pants. Kris is slightly chilled, he has goose bumps on his arms, but inside Adam’s jacket it is deliciously warm and Adam smells wonderful. He pulls away from the kiss to bury his face in Adam’s neck and breathe him in.

Adam makes a satisfied purring sound that vibrates through his chest and into Kris’. His hands pet their way up Kris’ back and bury themselves in his wet hair, milking the remaining water out of it and making it run down his back in rivulets. Under the shirt, Adam’s skin is burning, and the sharp contrast of hot and cold against his skin is drawing shivers out of Kris. He pushes his torso closer to Adam; he wants to crawl inside that tux with him and stay there.

Kissing Adam’s neck is one of Kris’ favorite things to do. It can be completely innocent or amazingly dirty, he can lick his way up in seconds or spend hours peppering kisses. He has studied and catalogued every inch of it. He even planned and practiced how to kiss him on the neck in public without blushing up to the roots of his hair. He has never been one for public displays, so it took him a couple of months to get the hang of it, but now he can do it any time, anywhere and not be embarrassed by it.

Adam never asked why he was so adamant about it; mostly he’d just smile at the faint blush on Kris’ cheeks and lean over to press a kiss to his temple in return. But Kris did think about the reason and came up with the answer just in case Adam ever asked. It’s because (a) he loves Adam’s neck; it’s the perfect height for him to reach, (b) Adam doesn’t usually cover up all the freckles there, and (c) it’s a part of Adam that everyone sees but only Kris gets to kiss.

No one is watching right now, but that doesn’t make Kris feel any less possessive of the skin under his lips. He nips at Adam’s collarbone, and following the familiar path up to his chin, tastes his foundation. His teeth scrape the line of Adam’s jaw and Adam makes a frustrated noise, moving his head to catch his lips in a deep kiss.

Kris struggles with Adam’s clothes, but a tux is just not that easy to get off. The tie is impossible to unknot, so he just pushes it out of the way, and removing the shirt means getting the jacket and the tie and the cufflinks off first, so it’s all very futile. Kris pushes Adam back a little to fall back on his elbows and rips off a couple of his shirt buttons in the middle. It makes a nice little window to Adam’s chest and Kris uses it to say hello to the freckles there and run his fingers through the chest hair. Adam gives him a little smirk and Kris bites his nipple to wipe the smug look off his face. It’s not like Adam is any less desperate or stupid about Kris. They both want each other a ridiculous amount. It’s something Adam made sure to teach Kris early on, and his methods were so ingenious that Kris doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to forget it.

What Kris wants to do is to get them both off as fast as humanly possible and then strip Adam completely and do it all over again. Adam seems to agree with that plan, if the hard-on that’s rubbing against Kris’ thigh is any indication. He is panting against Kris’ ear, and Kris can tell he doesn’t have the patience for teasing either by the way his breaths stutter.

Lube, he thinks. They need lube.

Adam protests and tries to hold him in his lap when Kris moves to crawl up the bed. Kris pushes him back down and mollifies him with a kiss, before moving up toward the bedside table and rifling through the drawer. Adam is making disappointed noises, running his fingers up the leg closest to him and kissing his knee. Kris is almost ready to say screw the lube and go back to him when his fingers touch the smooth and familiar surface of the bottle. He grabs it triumphantly and throws it toward Adam as he crawls back to him.

Kris ends up kneeling over Adam on all fours and Adam gives him a wide grin, high on lust. Kris wants to get on with the sex, he does, but he can’t help lingering there a little. Adam looks beautiful and carefree lying there in his completely ruined tux. He traces a finger down Adam’s brow, letting it go up and down his nose and come to a stop on his lips. They are plump and red; Kris thinks they will taste sweet, like ripened fruit. Adam opens his mouth and nips at his finger, a warning for Kris to move on to the main event already, and when Kris doesn’t move, Adam gets a mischievous look in his eyes and opens his mouth to take Kris’ finger in completely.

Kris’ breath catches in his throat and he groans at the sensation. Adam’s mouth is so hot and wet and soft, it makes his insides melt. His tongue works around Kris’ finger, laving and teasing it, and Kris has to close his eyes; it’s impossible to keep the lids up now. By the time Adam releases the digit, thoroughly licked, Kris has begun to pant. He leans down to bury his moan in Adam’s mouth. This is going to be over a lot sooner than even he had planned.

He only realizes that he has somehow sat back down in Adam’s lap when he finds himself grinding against him. He doesn’t have to look down to know that the tux now has more than the water stains on it. They are probably going to have to just burn this one.

Adam works a hand in between them, and the first touch makes Kris tremble and mew against his lips. He would have blushed at making that sound once upon a time; he would have tried to stop it from coming out at all. But it’s been a long time since he admitted to himself what Adam’s hands do to him. Kris has never had any use for denial in his life. It’s a waste of time to dwell on what should be instead of what is. Fact is, Kris doesn’t want small and delicate, he wants large and solid. He wants the muscles under his hands, the masculine scent filling his every breath, the hard length of cock against him and in him.

Whether he wants those things because they are offered to him by Adam or if he wants Adam because he offers them to him is a question better left alone. It doesn’t matter either way. He loves Adam and he wants him. Everything else is moot.

It’s not sentimental bullshit but fact, even though Kris never shared it with anyone: He didn’t know what it meant to be in love until Adam. Not the kind of love that is all encompassing and fiery and hurts as much as it soothes. And he didn’t know what it meant to really want someone until he touched Adam. Ever since that first touch, it’s like his skin, his mouth, his whole body is hungry for him. His body gravitates toward Adam’s and it feels like they are always supposed to be touching and sharing sweat and all sorts of bodily fluids, and no, it’s not disgusting, it’s just right.

It’s hard to believe that he had his doubts about this. Obviously, it was before he ever touched Adam and he clearly didn’t know shit back then, but during those couple of months when he knew he wanted Adam but hadn’t even kissed him yet, he thought that maybe he couldn’t do this, that he couldn’t be with a man, touch a body that’s not female.

He pulls down Adam’s zipper and reaches in to wrap his hand around his cock.

Now, he can’t imagine not doing this. There’s nothing weird or wrong or unnatural about it. If anything it feels too natural. Their bodies fit together in ways Kris couldn’t have imagined. Sex with Adam is everything Kris didn’t know he wanted.

His hand moves in a familiar rhythm. It’s not exactly his own jerking off rhythm and not exactly Adam’s. It’s a whole new blend they stumbled into along the way. It’s not going to make Adam come, but Kris likes getting him worked up a little. The man has stamina and Kris loves that, but it also drove him to find ways to make Adam a little more desperate and a little less composed, just so they can be on the same page.

It works like magic, of course it does, and by the time Kris feels Adam’s fingers moving down his body with intent, already slippery with the lube, he has him gasping nonsensical syllables against his cheek. Adam hoists him up slightly to work his fingers in, making Kris gasp and clutch at his shoulders and bite his neck and move and move and move.

Adam has talented fingers. He claims that he doesn’t have the talent or the patience to learn how to play an instrument, but Kris thinks he is just lazy. These fingers can do anything. Playing the piano, fucking Kris, world domination. Anything Adam puts his mind to, they’d excel at.

“Adam… Adam, enough.”

Adam likes fucking him with his fingers; it’s a thing. So he just makes a mmm sound at Kris’ protests and keeps on moving them, in and out, crooking them at just the right time, against just the right place.

“Adam. Please.”

Kris holds onto Adam’s arms, trying to rein the keening sounds in, and stay up even with legs that have lost all feeling to tingles. Adam pushes in one last time before he finally pulls his fingers out with a wet sound, and Kris hears himself sob, his body slouching against Adam.

Adam whispers something soothing that Kris can’t make out, running his hands up and down Kris’ back to calm him. Kris catches his breath and decides that he is not in the mood for calming down. He can calm down when he is dead.

Their bodies know how to align themselves, that doesn’t require thought anymore, and Kris sinks down slowly, taking the time to relish the burn and the stretch, just the way he likes it. Adam’s mumbled nonsense is like a wordless soundtrack to their movement, and it rises in pitch as Kris picks up the pace. Adam has an iron grip on Kris’ hips which he probably doesn’t realize will leave bruises, but Kris wouldn’t have it any other way. His insides are electrified and his body is on fire, the pressure of Adam’s hands is grounding him; it feels like he would burn up if it wasn’t for them.

Kris curses Adam’s stamina at times like this, because he refuses to let Kris come before him and makes him wait for what feels like forever. Even when Kris is on top, supposedly calling all the shots, he knows he is only running the show because Adam lets him, and it’s all ultimately up to Adam. Adam has the brute strength to slow him down or make him stop or just throw him down and fuck him senseless. Kris loves the fucking senseless part, it’s the slowing down that gets to him.

It feels like being tickled to death. Kris wants to laugh, he wants to cry, he wants it to stop and he wants it to go on forever. His head falls down on Adam’s shoulder and his legs refuse to support him, but Adam keeps him going, not giving him a chance to slump down and take a break. When a broken sound escapes his lips, Adam bites him in the neck, hard, and jerks up into him. Too much, Kris thinks. Too much, too much and not enough.

Kris loses all sense of time and can’t tell how long Adam keeps fucking him relentlessly, until Adam lets out a deep growl and flips them over to tower over Kris.

Kris’ lips stretch wide in a lazy smile and he extends both his arms up to grab onto the sheets. He knows what’s coming.

Adam lost in lust is a sight to see. He grabs one of Kris’ thighs and pushes his knee up into his chest. Kris’ muscles scream in protest, but he couldn’t care less. Adam’s hair is all messed up now, falling down into his eyes in wet clumps, and Kris can see his make-up is smudged all over the place. His tie dances between them, his shirt chafing against Kris’ skin. Adam has a wild look in his eyes that makes the appearance somehow very fitting. Kris feels inordinately proud of himself for making him lose his cool so completely, but then Adam pushes back in with a grunt and Kris forgets all about his accomplishment.

It’s all fast and furious from there on, no more kissing or petting, just plain old fucking, dirty and messy. Adam growls more the closer he is to coming, and Kris has stopped censoring the sounds that come out of his own mouth a long time ago. Their voices meet in a duet Kris has come to identify with really good sex. They push and pull to the rhythm, their movement growing jerky, and then with a flood of warmth Kris feels Adam come, his body stuttering, his hands tightening around Kris’ wrists. Kris can do nothing but follow soon after, sobbing in relief and feeling his body relax into a boneless heap.

Adam’s body is heavy on him, making it hard to breathe, but it also helps keep the twitching in his muscles in control, so Kris just puts his arms around him and holds on. Adam is usually pretty useless after sex. He doesn’t fall asleep, but he gets kind of drunk and slow. He has never come out and said it, but Kris knows he likes staying tangled together afterwards. So Kris wraps his legs around Adam’s, works one arm inside Adam’s jacket to place his hand on the small of his back, and cards his fingers through Adam’s hair to cradle his head. He licks a stray drop of sweat from Adam’s temple.

They stay like that for a long time, breathing each other in. Then Kris strips Adam off and they do it all over again.

They miss the premiere and get an earful from Josephine. Kris thinks it was worth it.

 

Symbols

Beta by shelbecat & drgaellon

When Adam gets home, Kris is seated on one of the pretty yet uncomfortable chairs Adam bought for them, his laptop pushed away to the middle of the table, the browser automatically refreshing the blog still open on the screen. His arms are crossed over his chest and he is breathing like a bull. Adam can practically see the smoke coming out of his ears.

He knew Kris would be pissed. He just didn’t know he would be bringing about the Apocalypse.

He tries to play it cool, not to let his steps falter, but he misses the hook when he goes to hang up his coat, and when he looks back, Kris is watching him like a hawk.

“You told them you fuck me without a condom.”

Kris’ voice only gets that low when he is really, really mad. Adam has only seen it happen once or twice before. He is pretty sure that this particular tone isn’t reserved exclusively for him, but he’s also never seen anyone else be able to get Kris mad enough to have it directed at them. He would like to credit that to how much more Kris cares about him than other people, but he knows it’s probably mostly due to his own powers of annoyance instead. He can annoy inanimate objects given sufficient time.

But Adam can handle the voice. The voice is not the problem here. It’s the face that’s giving him chills. Kris’ face is devoid of all emotion. It looks unnatural. Adam’s insides go ice-cold with fear. The face that is staring back at him is that of a stranger. He doesn’t know the person looking through Kris’ eyes, and he has no way to know what is coming.

“Over-sharing, I know,” Adam finally says.

“Over-sharing would be talking about my snoring. This is—I don’t even know what this is. Did you even once stop and think about how it would sound?”

“It sounds…bad, out of context.”

“What context?” Kris says, throwing his hands up. “What could possibly make this sound okay?”

Adam shakes his head. “I just meant that we don’t use condoms anymore.”

“How is that anyone’s business? Besides, that’s not what you said.” He points to the laptop. “You said ‘I don’t use a condom when I fuck him, so I guess it must be serious.’ What is that supposed to mean? What were you—I mean, Jesus, my parents are gonna see this!”

Adam licks his lips. He is feeling a bit like a kid being scolded by his teacher, standing up at attention like that. But sitting down would only make this conversation last longer and Adam wants this over yesterday.

“You know how I run off the mouth sometimes—”

Kris stops him mid-sentence. “This isn’t just about you! It’s about us! It’s about me! I’m not some conquest you get to brag about!” His voice rises with every word and by the end, he has begun to yell. He stops to breathe and pull himself together. “I put up with them talking about my wife, my divorce, my sexuality. I thought that was done! I didn’t expect you to give them the gory details of our sex life!”

“That’s not—I didn’t—”

Kris gets up from his chair. “You wanna make a sex tape so you can show the world how much of a stud you are? Come on, then! Let’s show them all how Kris Allen takes it up the ass! And without a condom, too! The world is already talking about it, so who cares, right?”

Adam grinds his teeth but doesn’t say anything. He watches Kris shake his head, his body wound tight and trembling from the pent-up anger. They look at each other and there’s nothing there; nothing to say, nothing to do. Kris has every right to be angry. Adam made a mistake he shouldn’t have. He had his reasons at the time, but they seem incredibly stupid now. There’s no way to go back and make it better, and Kris doesn’t look like he is in the mood for apologies.

So he just stands there, wishing Kris would hit him instead of staring at him with those unfamiliar eyes. It’s certainly not their style, but at that moment Kris’ anger is like a solid thing in the room; it will take a physical blow to get through that.

Kris doesn’t give him the satisfaction. He shakes his head one more time, grabs his jacket from the back of the chair and leaves the house.

~

Adam waits almost a whole hour before succumbing to the lure of the whiskey. He shoots back the first glass, then looks at the bottle long and hard, thinking how easy it would be to drink the whole thing and forget about Kris out there in the cold, walking aimlessly around town. But Kris will come back eventually, and it would be yet another screw up if he finds Adam drunk.

An inner voice taunts him that maybe Kris just won’t come back, but that’s ridiculous. Their relationship is not that easy to break. And this is Kris’ house. No matter how much they call it theirs, it’s Kris’ first and foremost.

That’s actually kind of one of the reasons why Adam said what he said in the first place.

He drinks some more, but then hides the bottle away so he doesn’t get completely sloshed accidentally. He’s sleepy, but there’s no way he’ll be able to get into bed without Kris tonight. It feels wrong to even be in the bedroom when they are fighting like this.

He takes his shoes off and lies down on the couch. It takes him a couple more hours to finally fall asleep.

~

Adam wakes up to the sound of Kris sighing. It’s his tired sigh, not his contented sigh, and it’s a familiar sound for Adam. He wakes up to it often, like when Kris gets in late from work, or catches a late flight home. For a moment, he thinks he is in bed and it’s just another night. But opening his eyes to the living room brings back the memories of the fight, and shadows flood Adam’s mind.

Kris is sitting on the floor, cross-legged, leaning his back against the coffee table. He’s watching Adam wake up, looking tired and worn and sad. The anger seems gone thankfully, but Adam can see that it took a lot of Kris with it as it left.

He sits up as quickly as he can, one hand grabbing his head when it threatens to fall off. He doesn’t remember how much he actually drank, but judging by the splitting headache, he should’ve stopped a lot sooner than he did.

He waits for Kris to talk, because it’s the least he can do, and tries not to fidget as he waits. Kris takes his time. He runs a hand over his face, rubbing his eyes until they are red from the abuse. Then he sighs again.

“I don’t understand,” he says. “Just. Make me understand.”

“I’m sorry.”

Kris shakes his head, his eyes going a little softer. “You don’t have to apologize. I know you’re sorry. I know you didn’t mean to. You didn’t plan to say that. You didn’t—I just don’t understand what made you say it.”

“I was…they kept pushing. And I’m good at ignoring it, you know I am, but I just snapped. They kept asking me if you were seeing Jake on the side. If I was fucking groupies. They had these stupid blurry pictures; they kept shoving them in my face. And that slime ball, the bald one, he asked if we were really together or if it was just a publicity thing, and…I just wanted to shut them up.”

Kris looks confused. “Jake? What? That’s ridiculous. Why would you let something like that get to you?”

Adam lets his head rest on a throw pillow and closes his eyes for a second. He’s tired too. He’s been tired for a while now. “I’m just sick of it all.”

“You never care what they think,” Kris states, like he’s trying to put the pieces together in his head.

“I guess sometimes I do.”

He opens his eyes when he hears Kris get up. Kris doesn’t go far. He settles down next to Adam, sitting sideways on the couch and facing him. One of his hands rests on Adam’s thigh, warmth seeping through his jeans.

“Talk to me,” he says.

Adam shakes his head. If something sounds lame in his own mind, there is no way he is voicing it out loud.

Kris gives him a look that Adam knows means he is not going anywhere until he gets his way. And he always does get his way. Adam can’t bear the thought of making him anything less than perfectly happy.

“We’re in this together,” Kris says. “You have to talk to me.”

Adam shuts his eyes tight and tries to come up with a way to say what he has to say that doesn’t make him sound like a girl. It doesn’t work.

“Sometimes it bothers me that in the eyes of everyone and their gods, I have less of a claim on you than your ex-wife. She’s still considered family, sort of. I’m just…I don’t know. It’s stupid.”

It does sound stupid, and that’s exactly why Adam never wanted to talk about this. And if that slimy asshole hadn’t pushed his buttons so cleverly, he never would’ve had to. He is not that guy. He is not insecure about their relationship. He is just…tired.

Kris is quiet and he has a contemplative look in his eyes. Adam looks away. Just the thought of Kris thinking about this is enough to give him an ulcer. This was possibly the only thing he never wanted to talk to Kris about.

“It’s not even that I’m against open relationships,” he says, knowing he’ll probably be digging himself a bigger hole the longer he goes on about this, but still unable to stop himself. “If we were fucking other people, I would have said, yeah, he’s fucking Jake, so what? But we’re not. And they know that. They are supposed to know that.”

Kris cocks his head to the side. “You wanna get married?”

Adam chokes on his next breath. He blinks a couple of times, his mouth falling open. “Are you asking me if I’m asking you, or are you just…asking me?”

Kris shrugs. “Either. Both. Does it matter?”

“So you’d just marry me. Just like that.”

Kris’ eyebrows rise up in surprise. “You thought I wouldn’t?”

“I…I…I didn’t really think about it.”

“Well, think about it.”

~

“So tell me, Kris, was all that gossip true about the huge row you and Adam had after that …unfortunate comment? There was talk of cops being called, your house being trashed. Any of that true?”

Kris shakes his head. “Nah.”

“You weren’t angry at all? For a couple of days, it was everywhere I looked. Even I was angry on your behalf.”

“Of course I was. But I wasn’t that mad at Adam.” Kris leans forward in his seat. “What they show on TV or in blogs, that’s just one side of it. The questions they shout at you, the way they practically harass you, it’s—we all know it’s part of being a celebrity, but come on, I mean, they should know better than to ask me about my sex life when I’m out with my family! I’m obviously not going to answer that. And you know, we’re human too, we have good days and we have bad days. And sometimes we have really, really, really bad days.”

“And that’s when Adam snaps?”

Kris nods. “Well, yeah. Honestly, I’m just glad he didn’t punch anyone.”

“So you didn’t fight that day. Then what did happen?”

“I asked him to marry me actually.” Kris grins at her. The camera zooms in on his face.

The interviewer shows her shock for a second before she jumps in like a shark going for blood. “Did he say yes?”

Kris makes a face. “Unfortunately, no.”

She deflates a little at that. “Why not?”

“Well, he said it’d be too much BS and I kind of agree with him. We are two men. Of different religions. The government won’t recognize a union between us, neither will my church. We just didn’t think it would be worth the hassle.”

“You were married once. I remember you saying in an interview that you enjoyed the married life.”

“I do. I do enjoy it. And it’s exactly what I’ve been sharing with Adam. I don’t know what kind of life people think we’re leading, but we really are an old married couple. There are no wild orgies or anything.”

She chuckles. “So no marriage for you two in the future? Even if it’s legal?”

“I personally don’t think we need that. Marriage is about promises and symbols and letting people know that you’re committed to each other, and we’ve had all those for some time now.” He pulls at the chain around his neck to free his pendant of his shirt. “Adam gave this to me right after I got divorced. It was a symbol of friendship. So I’d know I wasn’t alone. And this,” pushing aside the charms, he shows a ring hanging from the chain, “this is about a new promise.”

She smiles. “He wears his around his neck too?”

Kris shakes his head. “No. He wears it on his ring finger. I just…” He looks down at his hand. “I had a ring there once. That was Katy’s place. And I’m not hanging onto it or anything, but,” he puts a hand over the pendant, “this feels more like Adam to me.”

The camera zooms in on Kris’ fingers playing with the ring. The interviewer changes the subject.

 

This Kiss

aka Charity Drabble #3, for mylittlehottie

Beta by shelbecat

Kris waits for Adam to appear at the gate, pacing and twitching, completely ignoring the cacophony of people around him being held back by what appears to be the entire police force of the city. His heart is in his throat, which it shouldn’t be, really, because he knows Adam is okay now; he talked to him last night and this morning, and he has talked to George—a couple million times. Everything is fine. Just some bumps and bruises. Nothing to worry about at all.

But his hands keep balling themselves into fists and he keeps seeing the image of the guy running over and smashing into Adam; Adam falling down off the stage, the camera shaking violently and people running and yelling. It doesn’t matter that it’s all been and done now; he wasn’t there, he didn’t get to see the aftermath, so he has nothing to replace that image with, it keeps playing in his head in a constant loop—Adam falls down and doesn’t get up—again and again.

His feet turn to lead at the first sight of Adam and he can’t move. He vaguely registers the flashes going off all around him and people screaming things at them, but he can only see Adam, walking towards him with a smile, wearing his favorite leather jacket and snakeskin boots. Kris tells himself to move, go to him for God’s sake, but his body is completely detached from his mind it seems; he is rooted at the spot.

It takes Adam a million years to reach him, but when he does, it’s like Kris’ body comes alive magically, his arms going around Adam’s neck and pulling them impossibly close. He hears Adam laugh in his ear and pulls himself up higher on his tiptoes to hold onto him tighter. He shouldn’t be able to feel Adam’s heart beating through the jacket, but he does, its rhythm as familiar as his own.

“You’re okay,” Kris says, his voice coming out a whisper. He pulls back to look into Adam’s eyes and check his face; his hands keep moving, petting Adam’s cheeks and his forehead, skirting around the edges of the angry looking gash at his temple.

Adam keeps smiling. “Yes. I told you. Stop freaking out.”

Kris has a feeling that he won’t be able to stop anytime soon, but he nods anyway.

Adam grips his wandering hands in his and pulls them down to stop their restless moves. “I’m fine,” he says, leaning their foreheads together and giving him a small kiss.

Kris hears a choking noise coming from his own throat and it feels like he is going to cry—which he won’t, he will not let himself, because then Adam will feel bad and Kris will feel worse and the press will have a field day, and that is just not happening. So he leans forward to silence that sound with Adam’s mouth, their lips fitting together perfectly. He soothes Adam’s lips and licks into them, tasting his tiredness and the coffee he must have drank on the way, and the remnants of painkillers, sharp and ugly on his tongue. His hands grasp Adam’s upper arms in an iron grip; he can’t stop himself, he feels like crawling into him and staying there, keeping them safe and together.

Adam is solid; big and dependable as always, but Kris feels him melt a little under his lips, his tiredness showing in the way his lips move drowsily against Kris’, and Kris feels an overwhelming urge to take him home and take care of him. That’s the thought that makes him finally pull away. His brain manages to put the concepts of getting home and leaving the airport together and comes up with the revelation that yes, they need to stop kissing to do that.

He leaves Adam’s lips with a soft nip and makes himself draw in a deep, fortifying breath. He can do this. One step at a time. He grabs Adam’s hand, checks to see if Josephine is with them, and pulls him towards the exit where a swarm of reporters are waiting for them.

 

Mumbled Lyrics

Charity Drabble #16, for illyrianfields

Beta by shelbecat

Kris knows he is barely holding it together. He figures he will probably lose it as soon as they get home, but once the door closes behind them and Adam’s shoulders slump in fatigue, he finds a source of strength he didn’t know he had, and the tears retreat before they have a chance to fall. Taking care of Adam has always been great motivation for him.

“Shower or bath?” he asks Adam, brushing a kiss against his neck as he passes.

“Bath,” Adam replies with a sigh.

Kris doesn’t let himself linger. If he starts touching Adam, he will never stop, and he still has things to do.

~

Adam loves baths and drags Kris along with him to spend an hour in the tub every couple of weeks. Kris’ bathroom isn’t very large, but the tub holds the two them comfortably and Adam has filled the place with colorful glass bottles that smell of all kinds of different things. Kris has no idea what they do, and lets Adam use whatever he wants on Kris as long as it doesn’t make him smell like a fruit or something. He has learned to keep quiet when it comes to beauty products; Adam takes them way too seriously.

Tonight the tub smells like the ocean and the water is slightly blue. Adam didn’t want any bubbles, which Kris is grateful for; they serve no purpose and Kris hates it when they tickle his nose. Their positions are reversed this time; Kris is the one that usually sits between Adam’s legs when they do this, it only makes sense with him being the smaller of the two of them, but right now Adam’s back is against Kris’ chest and the back of his head is resting on Kris’ shoulder, his whole body finally relaxed and pliant.

Kris had to bite his lip to keep quiet when he saw the bruises on Adam’s shoulders and back. He is not sure what would have come out if he hadn’t. A part of him was angry—seething—wanted to punch walls and break something, while another part was barely keeping it together, teetering on the edge of tears. The last thing Adam needs is to be worrying about Kris though, so Kris pressed it all down and stuffed his emotions somewhere deep and dark inside himself. He reached over to touch the purpling flesh with gentle fingers, made note of every inch of skin that had changed color and tone. Adam let him take his time, and when Kris pulled him to lean back against his chest, he went willingly—gratefully—with a sigh.

Kris isn’t really trying to do anything now; his hands are moving of their own accord. Traveling restlessly from Adam’s thigh to his stomach to his chest and then up his shoulders and neck and back again. Adam is heavy against him, he has completely let his body go, and even though it makes breathing hard, Kris is grateful for the added weight. It helps soothe a completely irrational part of him that is refusing to believe his eyes. But Adam’s weight and Adam’s warmth and the movement of his chest—they help with that.

Adam catches his wandering hand and traps it between his palm and chest. Kris feels Adam’s heart beating under his fingers.

“I’m fine,” Adam says. His voice reverberates through both their bodies.

“Of course you are,” Kris says, turning his face to the side to nuzzle the soft skin behind Adam’s ear.

“I’m just a little tired.”

Adam’s tone is quiet and tender. He shouldn’t be trying to calm Kris down at a time like this, but being part of a couple does weird things to one’s perspective. Their priorities are all jumbled up at best and completely upside down at worst.

“I’m freaking out a little,” Kris admits with a smile. “I probably just need to sleep or something. I’m too wired.”

“You worry too much.”

Kris has to remind himself that he is not mad at Adam; he is mad at the stupid asshole who pushed Adam off a stage. He grits his teeth and says, “Like you wouldn’t have been worried if it was me?”

Adam stays quiet for a while. “I would’ve wanted to kill the motherfucker with my bare hands,” he says finally with an even tone.

Kris feels his own body relax, though he didn’t realize his muscles had stiffened in the first place. “Yeah,” he says, “that sounds about right.”

~

Adam takes his pills and they settle in bed, still slightly moist. Adam releases a drawn out sigh as Kris helps him pull the sheets over them. Their limbs tangle together in familiar ways, Kris’ calf between Adam’s thighs, Adam’s hand on Kris’ stomach. Kris doesn’t think he ever felt this tired in his life; his body feels like it weighs a ton. He can’t even imagine how Adam must be feeling. He finds himself playing with Adam’s fingers absently, trailing the ridges and the curves and lacing and unlacing them with his own. He is almost asleep when Adam speaks.

“I love you,” Adam whispers softly, close to his ear. “I want to be with you always. And I want you to be happy and I want you to be safe. And I really miss you when we’re not together.”

Kris turns his head to face him. His eyes open a sliver. “What?” he mumbles, confused.

Adam tightens his fingers around Kris’. “Things I would have wanted to say. If…”

It takes Kris a moment to get it; his mind is all muddled with sleep. He leans a little closer to bury his face against Adam’s chest. “I already know all that.”

Adam nuzzles his hair. “Do you know that I miss the way your hair smells when I’m away?”

Kris smiles. “That, I didn’t know.”

“Well, I do. I—did you know that you mumble lyrics in your sleep sometimes?”

Kris’ smile spreads even wider. “No.”

“Yeah, you do that. And when I’m alone in a hotel somewhere, sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, thinking I heard you, but then you’re not there, so I end up mumbling lyrics to myself to fill the silence.”

“You should call me. I can do long distance mumbling.”

Adam shrugs. “I thought about it a couple of times, but I sounded crazy even in my own head, so I just didn’t.”

Kris rubs his nose against Adam’s skin. Adam’s arms tighten around him.

“Anytime. I’m here.”

 

All That and More

Charity Drabble #5, for justaillusion

Beta by shelbecat

Kris slept much better than he expected last night, but then again, after the way he spent the night before that, tense and scared and wide awake, it shouldn’t be a surprise that he was dead to the world for hours, wrapped up in Adam’s arms.

Adam looked tired last night, but he looks even more so in the morning light. His face is ashen and the gash at his temple is a screaming red in contrast. He has bags under his eyes that even make-up won’t be able to cover, and Kris knows that his chest and shoulders are all black and blue under the sheet. They spent an hour in the tub last night, washing the smell of the hospital off Adam and letting his muscles relax in the hot water, and Kris mapped all the bruises on Adam’s skin with great concentration. He now knows them all by heart.

He doesn’t want to wake Adam—Adam needs his sleep—but he can’t stop his hand from reaching out to touch Adam’s hair, combing the unruly black locks with great care. He thought this feeling would go away once he saw Adam with his own eyes, but his chest is still tight with an unreasonable fear that if he stops looking at Adam, stops touching him, Adam will disappear. Something bad will happen to him. Like something out of a children’s story or a nightmare; someone will steal Adam away from him.

Kris doesn’t remember ever being scared so much or for so long in his life. Not when his father had his heart attack. Not with Katy’s accident. He remembers both days quite clearly, and they were terrifying and shocking in ways he hadn’t been ready to face back then, but having lived through those experiences, now he can tell how very different this is. Kris loves a lot of people and they are all special in their own ways for him, but Adam is vital. He is essential. He is such a big part of Kris now, Kris doesn’t know if he can function without him—doesn’t know if he would even want to.

Adam’s eyes flutter open, his lashes batting like a butterfly’s wings. Kris spots the color of his eyes through them, a shiny blue in the sunlight, and he presses his smile into Adam’s arm. Adam turns his head to look down at him and his face transforms into a familiar expression; soft eyes and even softer lips. It’s instinct for Kris to push himself up to meet his lips. Familiar and perfect.

“Are you still freaked out?” Adam asks him when they pull away from the kiss, settling against each other to lounge in the bed like they do on their occasional off days. Their bed is a refuge, a place where they can abandon all their worries and just be with each other. It’s Kris’ favorite place in the whole world.

“No, I’m okay,” Kris lies. He can handle his freak outs, no need to worry Adam.

But of course Adam knows him better than that. He whispers against Kris’ hair, “Liar.”

Kris doesn’t bother to object. He sighs. “I just want you with me for a long, long time. Forever, preferably,” he explains.

“I can do that,” Adam says easily.

“Not if you keep falling off stages.”

Adam chuckles. “I’ll try not to make a habit of it.”

“You do that.” Kris prods him on the side with a finger. “I have plans that require you to be in one piece.”

“Plans?” Adam says, running a hand suggestively up Kris’ arm. “I like the sound of that.”

“Not those plans,” Kris says, turning his head to the side to kiss Adam’s hand now resting on his shoulder. “I meant long term plans.”

“Told you I’m not going to be your blushing bride, Kristopher.”

“You don’t actually have to be blushing,” Kris amends.

Adam smirks. “Somehow, I don’t think your mother would appreciate seeing me in a white gown.”

“I think she’d get a kick out of it actually.”

Adam snickers. “That’ll only get her talking about grandchildren, you know.”

Kris shrugs in response. “Not yet, but one day,” he says.

Adam freezes next to him, not even breathing. “I thought we were done with the children thing when you adopted Africa.”

“I’m just saying,” Kris says carefully. “When you’re ready.”

Adam thinks for a minute. Finally he says, “What if I’m never ready?”

Kris shrugs. “Then I adopt another continent, I guess.”

Adam looks down, pulling Kris’ face up to meet his eyes. “You would give that up for me?”

Kris blinks up at him and smiles. “You’re pretty,” he says, flattening the front portion of Adam’s hair that’s sticking up rebelliously. “But not really all that smart.”

 

Ready

Help Somalia Ficlet #1, for procrastinator8

Beta by sbb23

"I didn't think it would ever happen," Adam says into the phone. He's perched on the edge of the red chair with his back to Kris, looking out the window to the backyard. His shoulders look tense. "I honestly thought this was it, me and Kris."

Kris freezes. Breathing suddenly becomes impossible.

"I know, I know," Adam is saying now, nodding his head. "I know you told me so. I know. I guess I didn't wanna see it. I wasn't ready to, you know?"

Kris must make a sound—how is that even possible when he can't breathe—because Adam turns around and says, "Kris is here, I gotta go," and hangs up the phone.

They stare at each other in silence for a while. Adam is the first to move.

He smiles, completely fake, and Kris realizes that he'd almost forgotten what that looked like. Adam hasn't faked anything with him in so long.

"I guess you heard that, huh."

Kris nods jerkily, takes two steps forward and sits down on the couch. If this is going where he thinks it's going, then he's probably going to need the support.

"Right." Adam runs a hand over his face, messing up his makeup as he goes. "We need to talk."

There we go, Kris thinks numbly. This is how it starts.

"I didn't plan it," Adam tells him, almost pleading. "I didn't go out looking or anything. I didn't know I'd want—I mean. I've been happy with the way things are. I never thought I'd want to change any of it."

Kris thinks back to the past couple of months. They haven't been having as much sex as they used to. Was that a sign? Could he have done something? Did he neglect Adam? Did he take him for granted?

"But then I saw him and—it just—he's different. It feels right, you know?"

Kris keeps still, perfectly still, as his heart convulses in his chest. He'll fight to keep Adam, that much he knows. But if Adam met someone—if he's in love with someone else... that may not be a fight he can win.

"Look, I... I know it came out of nowhere, and I know it's a shock, but I think it might be time. I think... I have a picture. Hold on."

Kris opens his mouth to say what the hell are you on—he doesn't want to see a fucking picture of him—but before he can remember how to turn sounds into words, Adam hands him his cell phone, looking hopeful and nervous, and on the screen there's a picture of a kid staring back at Kris.

"His name's Jordan," Adam says. "He's almost three."

"It's a baby," Kris says, words spilling out of his lips unchecked. "You're talking about a baby."

"What else would I be talking about?" Adam asks, clueless.

Kris glares at him.

~

"I can't believe you thought I was breaking up with you," Adam says, sounding insulted.

Kris grits his teeth and shakes his head, way too wound up to talk. He wants to be away from here right now, just to get his thoughts in order, to cool off, but storming out over a complete misunderstanding makes no sense. He could lock Adam out of the bedroom, but that also sends the wrong message; Adam didn't really do anything wrong. Bathroom, he thinks finally. He can take a bath.

"I'm going to take a bath," he informs Adam, trying not to pout too visibly. "And—" He grabs Adam's cell phone on second thought. "And I'm taking this with me."

"What? Kris? Seriously, what the fuck?"

~

Kris hears the scratching coming from the door, but his mind doesn't really register it until Adam is looming over him, looking harried.

"You locked the door," he says, decidedly not amused.

"How did you—"

Adam shoves something into his pants pocket. "I have my ways."

Kris stares at him for a moment—his heart gives a soft pang at the sight of him—but then decides to go back to his contemplation of the bathwater, which has a purplish hue to it. A puzzling fact considering that Kris used the stuff in the green bottle with the seaweed picture on it.

"Scoot," Adam says, and before Kris can react he's stepping into the tub, sloshing water over the sides.

"What—you're still dressed!"

Adam ignores him and settles next to Kris on his side, one arm wrapped around Kris' shoulders. Kris tries to make more space for him only to end up half in his lap. They've been in some creative positions in this tub over the years, but this is by far the weirdest.

"Hello," Adam says, ducking his head to meet Kris' eyes.

"Hi," Kris says, eyebrows rising in bewilderment. "You could've taken your clothes off. I have seen it all before, you know."

"It was an emergency," Adam says.

"Right. Of course."

They sit in the cooling water in silence for a while, but Kris thinks he can almost feel Adam counting the seconds. Staying still is not Adam's strong suit. He's probably dying to talk it over, or to ignore it and kiss and make up.

Kris sighs, leans his head back, cheek resting on Adam's shoulder, against his wet t-shirt, and that seems to break Adam's self-imposed vow of silence.

"You thought I would break up with you."

Kris gives him a look. Do they have to talk about it?

"Did I do something?" Adam asks, eyebrows knitting together. "Did I somehow make you think—"

They do, apparently. "You didn't do anything."

"Then why would you—"

"I didn't think," Kris says. He hadn't. It was just a split second thing. If he'd thought it over... well, he doesn't know what conclusions he would have drawn then, but he wouldn't have been so ready to believe the worst. "I just heard you talking, and you were nervous, and it sounded like..."

He can't finish the sentence. It sounds ridiculous now. What did Adam say exactly? How is it that Kris immediately thought of a breakup?

Adam drops a kiss in his hair and runs a palm down his arm. "I love you," he says. He says the words like a declaration, as if it's the first time, not the way they use it every day, tacked to the ends of 'see you later‘s.

"I know," Kris says. "I do know."

"No," Adam says. "No, but seriously. I love you. I think I may love you more now than I did four years ago. I kinda feel like I didn't know what the hell I was talking about when I said 'I love you' four years ago. You know what I mean?"

Kris nods. He does. Love changes and takes root and grows. His love for Adam has branches now that reach up to the sky, like their red tree out in the backyard.

"We should say it more, right? I don't want you to ever doubt that."

"I really don't," Kris tells him.

"Okay," Adam says, kissing him under his ear. "But I'm still gonna say it more."

Kris shrugs. It's not like he'd mind.

"Did you—" Adam reaches for the cell phone sitting on a now-damp towel by the side of the tub, and brings the screen alive. "Did you look at the pictures?"

Kris shakes his head. "Show me," he says, settling more comfortably in Adam's arms.

Adam scrolls through the shots, some fuzzy, some unflattering, all of a shy little boy with dark hair, who looks sad but also a little bit intrigued.

"He doesn't have anyone," Adam says. "They say he's hard to place because he has a genetic heart condition. He needs supervision and check-ups, and it's expensive. I know that's a complication, but we can afford it. We can—"

"It's okay," Kris says, holding up Adam's wavering hand so he doesn't drop the phone in the water. "People get sick, and then they get better."

Adam nods. "Right. I just—I wasn't even looking, you know. I was there with the crew, they needed a couple more shots of me with the kids, and Jordan wasn't even among them, they were all older kids... but then."

He shrugs.

"I was walking around, and he was playing outside with a truck."

He shrugs again nervously.

"He's cute," Kris says, staring up at Adam who's studying the picture again.

"He is!" Adam says. "And he's really shy. I think he was scared of me. But there was just something—"

He drops the phone back on the towel, turns around as much as he can, and stares Kris in the eyes pleadingly.

"I still don't know if I'm ready. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about this, but—I looked at him, and Kris, all I could think was that we could take care of him. And that he'd smile. You'd make him smile. Is that crazy?"

"Nope." Kris shakes his head. He remembers the way he felt when he first met Adam. Sometimes, you meet someone and you just know that whatever you end up being to each other, it'll be epic. "I think you just have to go with your instincts on this."

"Instincts! Right!" Adam nods excitedly. "It was all, like, crazy vibes and instincts all around." His hand flies about to emphasize the vibes and then splashes back down into the water. "Or it could just be hormones," he adds flippantly. "Maybe I'm pregnant?"

Kris chuckles. This is the love of his life. This ridiculous man. He leans forward and kisses Adam, lingering, enjoying the feeling, and then hugs him close, resting his head once again on Adam's shoulder.

"You should take me to meet him tomorrow," he says.

Adam's chest expands and his arms tighten around Kris. "Yeah. Okay."

~

That night, in bed, Adam rolls over onto Kris and traps him between his arms.

"We should have sex," he says. "I hear that's how people get their babies."

Kris grins. "Right," he says, nodding. "It's worth a try."

The End

August 2009 - September 2011