From the Moment

aka the hospital fic

It’s all Kevin’s fault, really.

Adam is going to have to send him a fruit basket.

~

Adam is in the studio, discussing the intro of the new song with James when Kevin walks in, eyes huge, and says “Dude, did you hear about Kris?”

Adam’s head whips around. “What about Kris?”

Kevin stutters under his glare, looking sorry he mentioned the name at all. “Just—the uh, accident? I heard it from Katie, she saw it on CNN or something? I don’t know.”

Adam feels all blood leave his extremities. His toes are ice cold. “Accident?” he parrots.

“Yeah, head on collision with a truck, man. Katie saw his car on TV. Said it was totaled. She said they took him to the hospital. I don’t know if—”

“Which hospital?” Adam growls, hands balled into fists on either side of him.

Kevin starts talking, but Adam isn’t about to stay and listen to him stutter some more. He runs out at the first syllable, finding his car, getting in and burning rubber on his way out of the parking lot. He didn’t realize that he knew the way to that hospital, but apparently he does, because he drives without once thinking about directions. He can’t think; he is not capable at the moment. He has a picture of Kris’ face in his mind, his eyes downcast, biting his lip and nodding jerkily—that was the last time Adam saw him and it can’t be the last time ever. Adam didn’t think it would be, or he never would’ve… He would’ve told Kris and damn the consequences. He would’ve taken the chance, no matter how stupid. He would’ve… That can’t be the last time. It just can’t.

Adam might have run a couple people over on the way for all he knows; he doesn’t remember checking his mirrors once. There’s an echo between his ears that’s been growing, chanting KrisKrisKrisKris, and by the time he gets to the hospital, it’s deafening. Adam can’t drown it out long enough to explain the situation to the security guard who is telling him something about his car that Adam can’t make sense of. His brain is broken. He hands the guy his keys, hands shaking, and runs inside the hospital.

“Kris Allen,” he manages to choke out at the nurse behind the desk, who takes forever typing things and reading things and not looking at him. Adam’s insides have somehow been replaced with boiling soup; it is rising up from his stomach to his throat and choking him as he thinks Kris is dead. She is taking too long, stalling, because she doesn’t want to be the one to say it. Kris Allen is dead.

Adam is sure now. He knows. Kris died in a car crash and the last thing Adam told him was no.

“Adam?”

Adam turns around in slow motion, feeling like he is in a dream. The air is so thick it’s almost unbreathable, the sounds of the people around him are muffled, and his body is gliding on legs that have turned to jelly. It takes him forever to complete a simple turn, and once he does, all energy leaves his body, because Kris is there, standing, walking towards him even, and he is alive.

“Adam, what are you doing here?” Kris asks, a small smile playing on his lips.

Adam makes a meaningless sound in his throat. His hands grab Kris’ shoulders. They are solid. Real. He looks Kris over frantically to see if he’s hurt, disfigured, bloody, but all he has is a couple of butterfly bandages on a cut on his forehead and that’s it. He is not hurt. He is not dying. And Adam is…

Adam leans down like he pictured himself doing a million times before and lets his lips find Kris’. Kris lets out a surprised sound against his mouth and Adam vaguely realizes that they are in the lobby of a hospital, standing right in front of the information desk, and this is Hollywood, where everyone is always ready to use their camera phones to make a couple of extra bucks, but he can’t find the will to care. Kris must agree because he kisses Adam back, his lips and tongue soothing Adam’s frantic pace, his fingers caressing Adam’s cheeks. They have to pull back way too soon, the running and the panic finally catching up with Adam, his lungs complaining loudly, but Kris doesn’t let go, he leans their foreheads together, placing a small kiss at the corner of Adam’s lips.

“What happened to you?” he whispers.

Adam tries to answer, but what comes out is a sob instead. “I…”

Kris pulls back and grabs his hand. “Come on,” he says, leading him down a couple of corridors, turning left and right and right again, and then he opens a door and ushers Adam into a room. It’s a room with two beds, both thankfully empty. Adam sits down on the closest one.

“Are you okay?”

Adam chuckles at the concern in Kris’ voice, but then the chuckle threatens to turn into a sob, so he covers his face with his hands. His face is going to start leaking any minute now. He is either going to bawl his eyes out or start screaming. The shaking is embarrassing enough already. He doesn’t need Kris to see him cry too.

“Sssh.”

Kris stands between Adam’s legs to hug his shoulders, pulling Adam’s head into his chest. He smells familiar, like some sweet exotic fruit, and Adam breathes him in to replace the smell of medicine invading his nostrils. Adam’s hands move to clutch at Kris’ shirt, and he stays there until he feels his heart rate going down and the tears stop threatening to spill.

When he pulls back to look at Kris’ face, Adam knows it’s time. He has to say it or he won’t ever be able to sleep at night again.

“I love you.”

Kris freezes. Adam looks away.

“I know I said no. That it wasn’t a good idea. I know that. But the thing is, I’ve loved you too much, for too long, and it’s scary now. And I didn’t want you to make a mistake so soon after… I just thought…”

Kris tilts Adam’s face up, his brown eyes alight with wonder.

“You want to,” he states.

“Of course I do,” Adam breathes out.

Then the world slips from under Adam’s feet as Kris pushes him down on the bed and climbs on top of him to kiss him like Adam hasn’t been kissed for a long time. It’s messy and all over the place and frantic. They pull at each other’s clothes and Adam shudders at the first touch of Kris’ hands under his shirt. He pulls Kris’ t-shirt up and off, his lips clamping on a nipple, licking and teasing and biting. Adam feels more alive with every little moan he draws out of Kris.

Kris’ hands undoing his belt makes Adam groan impatiently at first, but then he remembers where they are and stops biting Kris’ lips long enough to whisper a warning into his mouth. “Kris. Kris. We can’t. The door.”

Kris very pointedly does not stop. He pulls down the zipper, sticks his hand inside and looks directly into Adam’s eyes. “I’m not married. You’re single. We’re not hurting anyone. I really don’t give a shit.”

Adam grins at him a little stupidly and then looks down at the hand in his pants. “You ever touched another guy’s dick before?” he asks, still grinning.

Kris shakes his head. “Not as such, no.”

“Well, let me show you, then.”

Adam turns to his side, sliding Kris down to lie on the bed facing him. It’s a hospital bed, narrow and uncomfortable, so there’s little room left between them. It’s a challenge to get their jeans down, even harder to maneuver their hands in the space between them, but they manage. It’s very junior high, jerking each other off half clothed and awkward, but watching Kris bite his lip, looking down at his hand stroking Adam, a flush covering his cheeks, is everything Adam could have wanted for their first time and more.

Adam watches Kris’ face, memorizing every detail for future reference, the little hitch in his breath when Adam touches him just right, his tongue darting out to lick his lips quickly, the way his eyelashes flutter and his mouth goes slack as he comes. Adam kisses his face all over waiting for him to recover, and when Kris’ eyes open with a mischievous twinkle and his hand tightens with intent, Adam finds himself whispering it to him, again and again and again, love you, love you, even though he hates it when people say it during sex, had vowed to never do it himself. But Kris always did take everything Adam knew about himself and rearranged it anyway, so why not this too?

Adam comes quietly, with a whispered Kris, and Kris kisses him until he can’t remember where they are anymore. He doesn’t know how long they stay like that, making out, lazy and wet, mouths swollen from kisses, but a noise outside brings him back to the real world—it sounds like a gurney being wheeled down the corridor and a couple of footsteps follow. He tries to sit up, thinking unlocked door and paparazzi and half naked pictures, but Kris holds him where he is, lacing their fingers together, sticky with each other’s come, and kissing his forehead softly.

“Just a couple more minutes,” he begs.

Adam can’t refuse him anything.

~

By the time they get around to leaving, Adam’s car has been towed. They are not very broken up about it. The security guard offers to get them a cab, but Kris says no. They walk home, hand in hand.

The End

August 22nd, 2009