Hang the Sense of It

aka the dinosaur fic

The chances of finding out what's really going on in the universe are so remote, the only thing to do is hang the sense of it and keep yourself occupied.

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

The date starts out pretty normally. At least Adam thinks so. He doesn't generally do dates, so he can't be sure, like, a hundred percent, but if Hollywood is to be believed, this date is pretty average. They meet at the restaurant, make small talk, order some over-priced food. It's all very boring and standard.

Adam has never been interested in straight guys before, or recently out-of-the-closet ones for that matter—unless he is deflowering them in some dark corner at a club, in which case, bring it on, but there has been no deflowering going on with Kris, and it doesn't seem like sex of any kind will be on the menu anytime soon, and yet here Adam is, taking him out on dates, to expensive restaurants no less, and the kicker is, he plans on doing it for a long time, because, get this, he thinks Kris is adorable.

Kris isn't just adorable, obviously. He is also incredibly hot, in a boy-next-door kind of way, which Adam didn't know was a turn on for him, but there it is. And it's not like spending time with Kris on these dates is a chore, except for maybe this one, because expensive restaurant equals uncomfortable Kris apparently, but generally speaking, Kris is funny and he is intelligent and he knows a lot about music, which makes him the most interesting person Adam has ever dated, period.

But even though this date starts out normal, and goes on to turn uncomfortable and stifling, it certainly ends with a bang.

Just as their waiter is serving them their dessert—and damn it all to hell, Adam wanted to eat that soufflé—a dinosaur comes crashing in through the front window of the restaurant and starts running around. It's huge and ugly and green and huge, and it's coming their way, so Adam looks around frantically to find someone to hide behind, someone with a gun or a flamethrower or something, but seeing people trampling each other in their evening best reminds him that despite the awesome special effects, this is actually not a movie, and waiters don't carry weapons in real life. Just as he comes to the conclusion that running might actually be a good idea, he finds himself face to face (well, face to teeth, really) with the dinosaur.

Its breath stinks really bad, and it makes these weird noises which Adam hopes don't mean yummy yummy human, but just in case it does, he slowly steps back. It follows him, just as slowly, not lunging at him, but not looking away either—it's just Adam's luck to look interesting to a dinosaur. He considers turning tail and running, but the damn thing would probably jump on top of him and squish him accidentally, and standing there paralyzed sounds much better to Adam in comparison.

"Hey, slime ball!"

A plate hits the dinosaur on the head, spaghetti with some disgusting-looking creamy sauce sliding down its cheek.

Do dinosaurs even have cheeks? Adam makes a note to check Wikipedia when he gets home. If he gets home. If he gets eaten by a dinosaur and doesn't make it home at all, he doubts he'll care about the creature's body parts and what they might possibly be called.

"Come on, big boy, turn around."

Another plate hits the dinosaur, getting it right in the eye this time, and it whirls around, its tail almost taking Adam out. Adam peers around it to see Kris, standing next to a round table that somehow escaped the rampage and is still more or less upright, getting ready to throw another plate at the monster with huge, huge teeth. Adam scratches ‘intelligent’ off his mental list of Kris' virtues and puts in ‘brave’ instead.

"That's it!" Kris says, watching the monster step closer to him. "Come on this way."

Adam looks toward the stairs and then back at Kris who now has a creature the size of a small mountain between him and the way out. He really hopes Kris has a plan, because Adam's brain is not being helpful at all.

"Kris?" Adam calls, his voice coming out a whisper. He clears his throat and tries again. "Kris?"

"Yes?" Kris says, not taking his eyes away from the dinosaur.

"Do you have a plan, or are you just going to let it eat you instead of me?" That would be very heroic and brave, but also kind of stupid.

"I'm thinking," Kris replies, starting to back away slowly. The dinosaur stops to sniff at some tables, but doesn't stay distracted for long. "You should get out," Kris says, stumbling over a chair and almost falling on his ass. "Get help or something."

Adam rolls his eyes. Wonderful idea. "And come back to find you in pieces."

"Got a better idea?"

Adam looks around and tries to come up with one. His ideas are usually brilliant, but he is a bit out of practice when it comes to dinosaurs. He vows to watch the whole Jurassic Park series as soon as he makes it back home. You never know when you're going to need dinosaur facts.

Kris is close to the railing that overlooks the lobby. An idea starts to form in Adam's head; it's probably not brilliant, but definitely better than Kris getting eaten on their third date. They didn't even get to have sex yet, for God's sake.

Adam points to the railing. "Jump when I tell you to."

"Jump? What? Are you crazy?"

"Says the man taunting a dinosaur."

Adam grabs a chair and throws it at the dinosaur's head. "Jump, now," he says, grabbing another chair. The dinosaur turns around, just as Adam expected, and Adam's legs start shaking, which is not completely unexpected either, but he sees Kris jumping over the railing and somehow finds the courage to take a step forward. The creature screams at him, its foul breath making Adam choke, and Adam strikes blindly. He opens his eyes—no one has to know he actually closed them, he consoles himself—to find the chair sticking out of the dinosaur's face, one of its legs lodged in its eye. Adam makes a disgusted face, but then remembers to run.

~

They don't make it out the door. They try, but a cab crashes into the building just as they near the glass doors, and seeing another dinosaur stomping after it, Adam makes a strategic decision to retreat. At least they know there's only one dinosaur inside the restaurant, and that one is half-incapacitated. It seems safer to stay there.

Adam pulls Kris into the coatroom and closes the door behind them. It doesn't have a lock, but then again, he doubts the dinosaur would be able to work a door handle, so that shouldn't make a whole lot of difference. It's not a large room, and it's mostly dark, just a sliver of light gets in through a crack at the bottom of the door, so when Kris half-falls, half-sits on the floor, Adam finds himself kneeling in front of him, feeling him up in a totally unanticipated way.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt? Oh God. Did you break anything?"

Kris chuckles, his voice shaky. "I'm fine." He grabs Adam's wandering hands in his and gives them a reassuring squeeze. "Are you okay?"

Adam nods, a little too enthusiastically—or maybe it's because he is kind of shaking. "Good. Good. I'm good."

They stay silent for a moment, listening for the dinosaur. A couple of crashes come from upstairs, but then it gets completely quiet. Kris breaks the silence, saying, "This is some third date."

Adam nods. "Certainly memorable."

~

Once his brain starts working again, Adam remembers that they have cell phones and they can call the cops, but it proves impossible to get through to 911, so he decides to call the next best thing.

"Who are you calling?"

"My mother."

Kris gives him a dubious look, the light from Adam's cell phone making his eyes shine. "I'm hoping she's either a dinosaur expert or a cop."

"Better," Adam says, hitting the call button. "She is a vicious bitch."

Call him mommy's boy or whatever, but Adam trusts his mother to solve any problem he can possibly have. Did he catch his boyfriend cheating? His mother has ice cream and a hug ready for him. Is he out of work and about to be evicted? His mother knows someone who knows someone who has a small role in a mediocre play for Adam. Is Neil being his usual annoying self? His mother is there to yell at him to be nice to his brother. She is loud and obnoxious and she gets things done. She is Adam's role model.

So when he calls and tells her about his little dinosaur problem, she tells him to stay put and hangs up to be her awesome self and gather up an army of paleontologists or something.

Adam sidles up next to Kris and grabs his hand. "It'll be okay, you'll see."

~

Adam's mother calls him back from the police station, where she knows someone—Adam thinks she probably just met him, but whatever—and tells him that they are waiting for back up to help round up the remaining dinosaurs and will send someone over to get them as soon as possible. Meanwhile, they are told to sit tight, stay inside, stay safe.

"I am going to be sitting right here and waiting until they send someone to you, baby, don't you worry."

Adam isn't really worried. They are as safe as they are going to get right now, and at least he is not alone. Kris doesn't call his family, saying they'd be worrying over nothing, and busies himself with pulling down the coats to make a comfortable place for them to sit. It is getting kind of chilly, so Adam pulls one of the larger and less smelly coats over himself and settles in to wait.

Outside is pretty quiet, which makes Adam picture a horrifying scene with a lot of bodies lying around, so to keep himself away from that line of thought, he starts making up stories about how the dinosaurs have come to be in LA. Kris says radiation, but that's just lame, because hello, they are not Ninja Dinosaurs, they are just regular dinosaurs, so Adam counters that with a time travel theory. Kris says that doesn't make sense, because who would go back in time to bring back dinosaurs? Adam is pretty sure it's possible to accidentally bring them back, but it's not like he knows enough about the theory of these things to defend his idea, so he abandons it. In the end, the most popular theory is a portal to an alternate dimension, which may not be likely, but it sounds so cool, and the least popular is the Jurassic Park idea, though Adam has to admit, that's probably the most plausible.

After that deep and meaningful discussion, Kris naps a little, and the quiet gets so deafening, Adam finds himself calling his mother again, just to make sure they are not the only two people alive in the city. His mother tells him about the curfew and the cops not using the sirens and the military searching the streets for the dinosaurs. Adam hangs up feeling a little bit better.

~

They wake up with a God-awful screeching sound coming from upstairs. Kris jumps in Adam's arms, making Adam realize that wow, he fell asleep, and holy cow, he fell asleep snuggling Kris. Adam doesn't pull back, snuggles closer in fact, and waits for Kris' breathing to even out, but Kris stays just as he is, muscles tight and breathing in short, fast gasps.

"Sssh," Adam whispers in his ear, pulling him even tighter and petting his stomach through his shirt. "They can't get in here."

"It's a wooden door," Kris whispers back. "I'm pretty sure they can."

"Well. They probably won't?" Adam offers.

Kris relaxes a little. "Not very helpful. But thanks."

Adam tries to think of something helpful to say. He is usually the go-to guy for comfort for his friends, but none of them has ever had problems with prehistoric creatures, so he doesn't have anything ready for this situation. But he figures maybe he can deflect, make Kris think about something else, keep him occupied until the rescue gets here.

"I have a crush on you," he blurts out.

"What?" Kris says, sounding confused. He tries to turn around in Adam's arms, so Adam lets go of him and scoots back a little.

Kris stares at him, questioning.

"I wasn't going to tell you yet, because it's too early, right? Third date is hardly the time to get serious, I mean no one likes pushy people, and you're kind of new to the dating guys thing, so I told myself, wait, you know."

Kris blinks at him.

Adam continues babbling. "But this isn't exactly a normal date anymore, and I don't know if a couple that almost gets eaten by a dinosaur together stays together or what, but I thought maybe I should tell you now." He pauses. Kris doesn't say anything. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, but now that Adam is on a roll, he can't stop himself. "I really like you. I didn't think I would, because you're not exactly my type, but now it's like—so different. I'm trying not to…you know, be myself a lot, because people tell me that I'm too much, and I don't normally do the long, slow dating thing, but I'm really trying this time."

Kris smiles, his lips curving up lopsidedly. He looks amused. "You're out of my league," he says.

Adam gives him a what the hell look.

Kris shrugs. "You are." He nods in response to Adam's disbelieving look. "You're like the hottest guy I've ever seen."

He bites his lips in this completely adorable and sexy way; Adam has to curl his hands into fists to keep them from reaching out.

"I've been trying to figure out what you're doing with me."

"Are you kidding me?!" Adam exclaims. "You're like—have you seen yourself? You make plaid look hot."

Kris grins at him, big and happy. It's a brand new grin, one Adam hasn't seen before, and emboldened by that, Adam decides to push his luck.

He lets his voice go down to a raspy whisper and leans forward. "Do you have any idea what I was thinking about before the dinosaur came in?"

Kris shakes his head.

"I was picturing myself undoing these buttons," Adam says, trailing a finger down the front of Kris' shirt. "I was wondering how your face would look if I kissed your chest." Kris' chest rises and falls rapidly under his hand. Adam smirks. "If you'd blush."

Kris meets his eyes with a determined look. "Wanna find out?"

Adam chuckles in surprise, but doesn't lose a second before he pushes himself up on his elbows and gets close enough to touch. "Here? Now?"

Kris turns to lie on his back and places a hand on Adam's arm. "We can get eaten by a dinosaur any second," he whispers with a smile. "We can't exactly afford to wait."

Adam grins. He knew he'd hit the jackpot with this one.

~

Adam has kissed Kris a grand total of two times before today, but he makes up for that in the next five minutes. The half-hour of kissing after that, he counts as a bonus. He figures it's the least he deserves after stabbing a dinosaur in the eye with a chair for him.

Adam loves Kris' lips. He's had wet dreams about Kris' lips. He's been obsessing over them since they met, and now he can't draw himself away from them for even a second to pay attention to any other parts of Kris' body, which certainly have their own merits. But the lips… Adam licks the line of Kris' mouth, then pulls back to watch Kris' bottom lip stick out in invitation. Kris arches up slightly, to follow Adam's mouth, but then falls back down with a soft whine.

"Stop teasing me," he complains.

Adam nips at his chin. "I've been kissing you for, like, forty-five minutes. I haven't kissed anyone for so long in years. You call this teasing?"

Kris pouts. "More," he demands, tugging Adam down. Adam goes willingly. When it comes to Kris, he finds that he always wants more.

~

They don't take their clothes off, because Adam has some common sense, if not a lot of it, and he knows it's not a good idea to get naked when you might have to run for your life any minute. But he does manage to kiss Kris' chest, which was the point all along.

It turns out Kris' shirt has snaps, not buttons, which is the most ridiculously awesome thing ever, and it takes Adam just seconds to get them undone. Then he has Kris' skin under his hands and lips, and he notes that Kris does indeed blush—all the way down to his chest in fact—so he enjoys the view as Kris gets busy working on his shirt buttons.

 "Are you going to help me with this, or what?" Kris asks, his hands trapped between their bodies, fingers still struggling with Adam's shirt buttons.

Adam leans down to lick Kris' nipple. "Nope," he says with a grin, and takes the nipple into his mouth.

Kris' chest hiccups soundlessly. "Fine," he says, and pulls Adam's shirttails apart in one forceful tug.

The buttons pop off and one of them hits Adam on the nose, making him push himself up to look down at his now button-less shirt. He opens his mouth to give Kris a piece of his mind, but Kris' hand on the back of his neck stops him.

"We'll get you one with snaps," Kris says before he kisses him.

~

Kris isn't shy. He is just very laid-back, and respectful to a fault, and for all intents and purposes he should be boring, yet he is the most interesting thing Adam has ever laid his hands on. He admits freely that he's never done anything more than kissing with a guy before, but he is the one that sticks his hand in Adam's pants, and he is the one that whines in Adam's ear until Adam caves and reciprocates. Of course, as Adam predicted, once he gets inside Kris' pants, there is no stopping him, so he ends up giving Kris the best head he'll ever receive—Adam has plenty of exes who will confirm that—and there is nothing at all shy about the noises Kris makes during that either.

Adam comes in Kris' hand, Kris' teeth worrying his ear, his moans still echoing in Adam's mind. He vaguely thinks about recording Kris' voice and jerking off to it for the rest of his life, but before he can mention his brilliant idea, Kris pulls a heavy coat on top of them; Adam puts his head down on Kris' chest to rest for a while and ends up falling asleep in seconds.

~

When he wakes up, Kris is squirming against him, trying to get out from under him. Adam wraps his arms around him and holds on tight, which leads to Kris biting Adam's neck, which leads to Adam sucking on Kris' nipple, which leads to another bout of stuck-in-a-closet-with-a-dinosaur-outside sex.

Adam does not complain. Not even about the dinosaur.

~

"God, how long have we been in here?"

Kris checks his phone. "Five and a half hours I think."

Adam rests his chin on Kris' chest. "They are never gonna get us out."

"Come on." Kris rubs Adam's arm. "It could've been worse. You could've been alone in here."

Adam turns his head around to give Kris what is probably a disgustingly adoring look. (He can't help it! He tried, he can't!)

"Not that I'd want you in danger or anything, but I'm really glad you're here."

Kris pets Adam's hair. "Because you finally got to have sex with me?" he asks innocently.

Adam makes a face. "Well, yeah, there is that. But I would have been happy with just the kissing too. Or you know, holding hands."

Kris takes Adam's hand in his to tangle their fingers together. Then he brings them up to suck two of Adam's fingers into his mouth.

"I'm inexperienced,” he informs Adam, “not a twelve-year-old girl."

Adam hears a choking sound coming from his own throat. "Okay," he says, guiding his fingers back into Kris' mouth and then pushing up to follow them with his tongue.

Adam lets himself loose a little and gives Kris a kiss that's wet and dirty and bruising, because the kitten has claws apparently, and there's no need for the kid gloves after all. Then Kris pulls back, looking dazed, and says, "Tell me you have a condom on you," and Adam scratches the kitten thing out completely and replaces it with tiger.

His hand automatically goes to his wallet, but then he remembers he doesn't have one in it today and groans.

"Seriously?" Kris gives him a disbelieving look. "You're on a date and you didn't bring a condom?"

Adam sputters. "You didn't look like the type to have sex in closets! And I have plenty at home!"

Kris groans and lets his head fall back on the floor.

"You don't have one either!" Adam says defensively.

"I did, actually. Jacket pocket."

Adam's eyebrows go high up. His mind says: Kitten. Claws. Rawr.

"Okay," Kris says, gripping Adam by the arms and pulling him back on top of him. "Later," he says, giving Adam's lips a firm kiss. "When we get out." He pulls Adam's hand down to place it on his navel. "Plenty of other things you can teach me now."

~

Kris is a fast learner.

He finds all of Adam's sensitive spots, figures out what Adam means when he is moaning incoherently with at least eighty percent accuracy, and learns how to give a wicked blowjob in a matter of hours.

Adam magnanimously lets Kris practice on him, and takes mental snapshots of Kris' face in the meantime. He has a couple of favorites already. One of them, not so surprisingly, is Kris' face as he comes, mouth slack and eyes shut; the other is him concentrating on giving Adam a blowjob, his lips stretched wide and his eyes alert and careful.

Adam wants to take him to bed and not let him out for at least a week.

"We need a bed," he says, trying to catch his breath.

"Yeah, next date," Kris says. "I think we should order in."

~

Another hour passes, and Adam finds himself back at the beginning, exploring Kris' lips and neck and chest, and taking things slow. Kris leans his head back, baring his neck to him, and running his foot up and down Adam's leg lazily.

This day couldn't have been more perfect, Adam thinks, as Kris starts to hum an old Beatles song. Adam feels the vibrations through his chest, and yeah, he is sorry about the people that got hurt because of the dinosaur and everything, but this is just—perfect.

He gives Kris a hickey right over his heart and pulls back to look at it and run his fingers over his handiwork. Kris buries a hand in Adam's hair and tugs him back down toward his chest, lips still moving to mumbled lyrics. Adam sighs.

"God, I love y—" he stops, feeling Kris freeze under him. "—your chest!" he finishes, panicked.

Kris gives him a look that says he did not buy that at all, and starts laughing quietly, his body shaking against Adam.

"What!" Adam huffs. "I can't control the dinosaur-induced confessions!" He looks down at Kris, a little worried. "I swear I'm not normally this crazy. I don't, like, declare my love for every guy I get trapped in a closet with." Kris doesn't look like he is freaking out, but Adam grabs his hand and holds onto his little finger, just in case. "Don't run?"

Kris arches up to merge their lips together and doesn't let Adam pull back until they are interrupted.

~

"I should've known," Adam's mother says, standing over them with her hands at her hips, at least ten cops waiting behind her.

"Hi, mom," Adam greets her, pulling a coat over to cover himself and Kris both.

They stare at each other for a minute, having a silent discussion, until she finally rolls her eyes at him, and sends the cops behind her away with a flick of her wrist.

"Introductions?" she demands, sounding fondly exasperated.

Adam gives her an impudent grin.

He looks down at Kris, and seeing the terrified expression on his face, leans in to kiss it away. Kris tries to resist for a second, but melts against him soon enough. He looks nice and pink when Adam finally pulls back.

Adam nods at him, stealing one last kiss. Kris blinks and slowly nods back.

"Mom," Adam says, eyes glued on the faint blush on Kris' cheeks. "This is Kris; my boyfriend."

The End

September 24th, 2009