Love and War

aka the (failed) tour drabble

Despite what everyone thinks, Adam does not fall in love with Kris during American Idol. When he uses the words cute and distracting and crush they are not euphemisms for head over heels in love. It’s not his fault that people enjoy taking his words and twisting them around.

Adam is still not in love with Kris when Kris steps onto the bus two weeks into the Idol tour to announce that he and Katy are getting a divorce. He looks defeated and sad, but is trying to put on a brave face, so the guys give him pats on the back and mumble supportive words. Adam envelopes him in a big, warm hug. Even though he’d guessed this would happen, he’d also hoped it wouldn’t. He never wants to see Kris hurt.

It takes Adam three days to realize that the looks Allison keeps giving him mean she expects him to move in on the situation and claim Kris for himself, fix his broken heart and maybe adopt a dog with him or something. He gives her a pointed look that says mind your own fucking business.

He isn’t interested. He likes Kris a lot, and Kris is his friend. That’s all there is to it.

And then Minneapolis happens.

~

Adam does not want to be the champion of gays everywhere. He may be out and proud, but he didn’t give that interview to become the next big gay rights advocate, he gave it because he didn’t want it to be a big deal. He wanted it out of the way, so he could get himself established as a musician without it hanging over his head. He doesn’t want to be known as Adam Lambert, that gay guy. He wants to be known as Adam Lambert, that awesome singer.

He loves the fans, loves their homemade signs, loves the attention, loves the crying and the screaming; it’s everything he ever dreamed of. He is usually the first one to run out to sign stuff for them and the last one to leave. Today is no different. There’s a big crowd in Minneapolis and they all start screaming the second they spot him. There’s the usual signs and pictures, and of course, the obligatory rainbow group is there in the corner as well, two girls in the front holding hands and waving a rainbow flag, a skinny kid next to them, nervously waiting for him to walk towards them.

Adam doesn’t go that way. He makes a beeline to the left and starts greeting the girls there. The rest of the idols follow soon after, coming out to join him one by one, and the fans go completely crazy.

Adam has forgotten all about the rainbow group when he looks over at Kris to see him talking to the skinny kid he spotted earlier. The kid's hair is straightened all to hell, eyeliner smudged around his eyes; he can’t be any older than 16. His eyes keep flickering to Adam as he talks to Kris all ablush.

“Hey, Adam, come over here for a second!” Kris says, waving to him. “Sign this for Seth, will you?”

Adam takes the picture, sparing Seth no more than a polite look, and scribbles his name on it. Seth quietly hyperventilates.

He is almost back in his own rainbow-less corner when he hears raised voices behind him and looks back to see the commotion; Matt is yelling for security, the kid is on the ground, and Kris is punching some guy.

Two burly guards take the guy Kris punched away before Adam can reach them. He tries to see if Kris is okay, his heart in his throat, but Kris seems busy helping the kid up, and doesn’t even acknowledge Adam hovering at his shoulder.

“You’re okay,” Kris says, giving the kid’s shoulder a pat. “And don’t mind that jerk," he says, offering the kid a reassuring smile and petting his hair. “There's nothing wrong with you. You’re beautiful.”

Adam's jaw clenches as he watches Kris kissing the kid on the cheek. It's just a peck, really, but Seth has stars in his eyes, and Adam can already see another major crush forming.

~

It's a hotel night, and on the way there Adam can feel himself getting angrier by the minute. He tells himself it's irrational, but his thoughts on this particular subject are so tangled already, he can't make them make sense when there's also Kris in the mix. He says he has a headache when Allison asks, and tries very hard not to bite her head off for existing. She looks hurt anyway, but Adam has been known to make directors cry when he was angry. It's not that easy to rein in the drama queen tendencies, someone should give him a fucking medal for even this.

He is rooming with Kris. (Of-fucking-course he is.) He considers throwing a fit and getting his own room, but then there'd be the puppy eyes from Kris and the chin wobble from Allison and general scorn from everyone else, so he shuts his mouth and decides to just go to sleep straight away. He'll feel better in the morning.

Kris, apparently, has other ideas.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" he asks, looking as angry as he is capable of ever being.

"Nothing."

"I don't get it. What did that kid ever do to you?"

Adam does not want to talk about this, but the anger is boiling inside him, his inner drama queen is rejoicing, and the walls of the room are closing in on him really fast.

"Since when are you the savior of fags?"

Kris looks like he's been slapped. "Are you--Are you seriously being homophobic about this? Is this a joke?"

Adam snorts. "Obviously I’m not, but believe me, I would know all about homophobia. I’ve been there. It’s a war, and that kid is cannon fodder. You were not being helpful by coddling him.”

“What the hell?”

Kris looks shocked. Adam didn’t expect him to understand anyway. He probably never had to fight to be considered human. He can’t understand what it’s like to live like that.

“Just forget it,” Adam says, rolling his eyes. He grabs his toiletry bag and heads for the bathroom.

A shower helps him calm down and unclench his jaw, and the repetitive motion of applying the night cream to his face soothes him even more. He feels the anger leave his body gradually.

The door to the bathroom opens. Adam's hands go to his towel instinctively, securing it tighter around his hips.

It’s Kris.

“You were that kid,” Kris says, looking for all the world like he figured out the meaning of life.

Adam blinks at him.

Kris comes closer, touching his arm. Kris has touched his arm a million times before, but this time Adam feels a current go through him. He shivers.

“I just don’t like weak people,” Adam hears himself say.

Kris’ hand tightens. He pushes himself up on tiptoes and suddenly they are face to face, breaths mingling.

“You’re beautiful too,” Kris says and kisses him.

That’s when Adam really falls in love.

The End

July 21st, 2009