The Tale of the Sad Panda

aka the bamboo fic

Kris' marriage ends—in his own words—with a sad smile.

Adam would never have wished this on Kris, but he can't fight the feeling of elation in his chest at the news, nor can he stop himself from ending whatever he has with Drake. He doesn't tell anyone, thinking it would be too obvious, too much of a coincidence, and thinks of it as a precaution—or an investment maybe.

They are on tour and will be thrown together for months to come; who knows what might happen?

~

What does happen is Kris gets weird.

Adam understands that Kris needs to pull away from their friendship, just in case the media gets wind of his upcoming divorce, because, let's face it, theirs was an unconventional friendship from the start. So he doesn't mind it when Kris chooses to hang out with the other guys instead of him, or when Kris tries to avoid being alone with him. Those are all cool. Well, not exactly cool, but expected. What he can't understand is the thing with Anoop. All of a sudden, Anoop is Kris' shadow and Adam keeps finding them whispering in some corner or other. They are like peas in a pod, and Kris is just not a pea-type person normally; Adam can't make sense of it.

He tries not to be jealous. He tells himself that Anoop isn't gay. He isn't interested in Kris in the slightest. But even if there's nothing going on between the two, Adam hates the fact that just when he was expecting to be more than a friend, he is suddenly not even the best friend anymore. He doesn't want Anoop to be Kris' new best friend—and he doesn't care how juvenile that sounds.

As a result of all this, he finds himself hanging out with the girls and eating a lot of chocolate. This thing with Kris is not going to be kind to his waistline.

~

Two weeks in, Adam finds Anoop in Kris' bunk.

Not that there's anything funny going on. Kris isn't there and Anoop still has his clothes on—thank God! But Anoop is going through Kris' bags and he doesn't even seem to care that he's been caught.

"What are you doing?"

"Oh, hey man!" Anoop says, sparing him a glance and then going back to his rifling of Kris' private property.

"Lost something?"

"Yeah," Anoop says, clearly lying. "Kris borrowed one of my...shirts. I'm just looking for that."

"You could ask him."

"Nah. No need to bother him. I'm sure he won't mind."

The thing is, that night at dinner, Kris sits next to Anoop and keeps elbowing him, which in turn makes Anoop laugh, and apparently Anoop was right. Kris doesn't mind.

Adam eats two cheeseburgers, and then feels sick to his stomach.

~

Things get even weirder and he and Kris start finding themselves locked in all sorts of places. It starts with the roof of a venue. He goes up to get some air and fifteen minutes later, there's a commotion at the door and Kris is there.

Kris immediately turns back and tries the door handle, but it doesn't work. The rock Adam had wedged in between to keep it open is also gone.

"Perfect," Kris mumbles.

They are both wearing their stage costumes, so neither of them has a phone on them, but since it's so close to showtime, they figure someone will come and get them soon anyway. They can't very well have a show without the top two guys.

Kris seems slightly agitated, so Adam sits down next to him and puts an arm around him, and Kris snuggles close—just like the good old days. Adam asks him about Katy and how he's holding up, and Kris says he's doing good, and it feels like everything is right with the world.

But then a stagehand opens the door to let them in, and Kris is off talking about finding Anoop, and Adam comes crashing down to the real world where Kranoop is the new Kradam and nothing makes sense anymore.

He shakes his head and squares his shoulders. He needs to go down and fix his make-up. The show must go on after all.

~

Next time is in the bathroom of a gas station in a place so remote they can't even get a cell signal to call anyone for help.

The room is smelly and dirty, and Adam finds himself seriously considering trying to go through the small window, but he doubts his shoulders would fit through there. Getting stuck in a window would probably make things worse.

Kris kicks the door three times, before Adam pulls him back to stop him from breaking his foot. There's no need for violence. Surely someone will get them out soon enough.

And they do get them out. Allison hears their voices and finds the key from somewhere. Kris' violent tendencies continue once they get out however. Adam spots him pinching Anoop on the arm on the way to the bus.

He tells himself it's stupid to feel jealous of a pinch.

~

They used to go to lunch together once upon a time, but nowadays Kris is always eating with Anoop. And since Adam has started dieting (the chocolates are evil) he ends up eating alone (or with people who don't matter anyway) on the bus and having (he looks down at the healthy looking green thing he is eating) what tastes like bamboo for lunch.

Being on tour with Kris is not how he thought it would be at all.

~

Adam comes back to the bus having run away from the fans who keep asking him about Kris and their friendship and telling him how very inspirational they are—he wants to scream in their faces that there's nothing inspirational about lusting after a straight guy—to find Kris in Anoop's lap.

He stops and stares, blinking to make sure he isn't hallucinating, but no, Kris is in Anoop's lap, and Anoop is holding something over his head which is making Kris do something very close to a lap-dance to reach it.

Adam doesn't even say anything, he just passes them by without a word and goes straight to his bunk, because what can he possibly say to that? If Kris wants to give Anoop a lap-dance now that he is an almost free man, no one can stop him. It's none of Adam's business. He is not even the best friend anymore, so he has no say in this at all.

He wears his softest pajamas—the Superman ones—and puts in his ear-buds. He is not in the mood to hear anybody on the bus tonight.

~

Adam wants to be a cold-hearted bitch about this and just stop talking to Kris altogether, but seeing Kris sad does things to his heart and he can't resist asking him what's wrong.

"Anoop stole my iPod and he won't give it back," Kris says with a pout.

Adam gets chills hearing that name again. They should just give those two a bus of their own and be done with it. This whole thing is messing with Adam's psyche.

Anoop yells from the other side of the bus. "I'm making you a special playlist, Krissy-poo! I'll give it back!"

Adam decides to pay a visit to the girls' bus. Maybe they have some more of the bamboo thing he can chew on.

~

It's a hotel night when Adam finally decides that he needs to talk to Kris. He knows Kris' room number, he can just go and talk to him face to face, but the thought of finding Anoop there makes him rethink that idea. His eyes land on the phone next to his bed, a boringly beige colored, old-fashioned thing, and it tempts him into dialing Kris' room. Just invite Kris over, he tells himself. Alone. That would be the easiest way.

But Kris doesn't sound like he's in the mood for talking when he answers.

"No!" he yells into the receiver. "I do not want you to make me a romantic mix. I do not want you to lock me in a closet with Adam. And I certainly do not want you to give me advice on how to tell him. You got that? Enough!"

Adam thinks about just hanging up, but that would be rude, so he says, "Umm. Hi?"

"Shit."

Kris hangs up on him.

~

It's fifteen minutes later when a distraught looking Kris knocks on his door. Adam lets him in and locks the door behind him. This is not a conversation he wants interrupted.

Kris paces a little and then runs a hand through his already wild hair.

"I told him to keep out of it. I had a plan. I was going to take things slow, not rush into anything. I was going to wait, because who pounces on a guy with a boyfriend? Not me, that's who."

Adam's brain overheats at all this new information. He can feel it start to melt.

"He's so damn stubborn. He kept pushing. And now..." He finally looks up at Adam. "I'm so sorry. I ruined everything."

Adam decides that he doesn't really need his brain for this one.

"I don't have a boyfriend."

Kris makes the shocked eyes—he does them so well, just like a cartoon. "Yes, you do. Drake?"

"I broke it off with him." He calculates it in his head. "Six weeks ago."

"Six weeks ago," Kris parrots. Adam is pretty sure that it doesn't escape Kris how that coincides with his own break up.

"Yes. And then you stopped talking to me."

Kris makes a sad face. "I didn't stop talking to you. I had a plan."

Adam grins at him. "Great plan."

"Stop making fun of me," Kris whines.

Adam cracks up. "I can't. This is like. You have no idea."

Kris looks down at his shoes, looking ashamed. "So I take it I should have just talked to you, huh?"

"I don't know, I mean, you and Anoop seemed to be handling things pretty well..."

"Adam, don't—"

Adam takes the two steps between them and stops Kris' whining with a touch of his lips. It's just a peck, like kissing your aunt, but Adam's heart is racing inside his chest. Judging by the way his eyelids flutter, Kris doesn't seem to be doing any better.

"You made me miserable," Adam tells Kris, placing one hand on his waist and the other on his cheek so he won't be able to run if he gets a brilliant idea he just has to share with Anoop or something.

"I didn't mean to."

"You made me eat bamboo," Adam tells him, but it's impossible to stay angry at Kris when he has those soft brown eyes, and Adam thinks talking is pretty counterproductive to what he really wants to be doing anyway, so he covers Kris' lips with his own like he's been itching to do for months now. Kris grabs Adam's t-shirt in his fists and kisses back just as hard.

"I am done with bamboo," Adam says when he pulls back to breathe. "And you are done with the plan."

Kris agrees wholeheartedly.

~

Anoop throws them a party at the next venue, complete with helium balloons. They leave halfway through to go and lock themselves in a closet.

Megan throws away the rest of the bamboo. She's not even sure it was for eating anyway.

The End

September 17th, 2009