What Were the Chances

companion piece to just a glance away

Even though a day is hardly a long time for anything, it feels like a slow build to Kris. His interest in Adam is like water drip-drip-dripping into a bucket, and by the time Kris realizes what that dripping sound is, the bucket has emptied all over him.

It hits him while watching Adam and Allison dance. Adam is holding her against his chest, moving slowly to the music, and Kris finds himself admiring the way he moves—gentle and fluid. Adam has an air about him, intense and mysterious, but when he opens his mouth to talk, Kris knows he is just a man, with a warm, big heart. Adam may not be humble, but he is surprisingly down to earth. He is also certainly flashy and obviously enjoys showing off—which are traits Kris can’t stand in people normally—but in Adam, even those are kind of…endearing.

Adam is attractive. Kris knew that from the start. But knowing someone is attractive and finding them attractive are two very different things, and in that moment, watching Adam’s lips move to the lyrics, a lock of hair falling in front of his eyes, Kris suddenly realizes he has crossed a line and stepped into a land where Adam is possibly the most beautiful person he has ever seen.

Kris tells himself it’s only normal that he didn’t recognize it before. After all, it is the first time he’s ever found himself attracted to a man. That completely excuses his thickness.

Adam looks up suddenly and their eyes meet. Kris finds himself frozen, unable to move even his eyes. Adam stares back, unblinking, and if it wasn’t for the dancing, Kris would have thought that time has stopped. Adam’s eyes are beautiful, Kris likes how intense they are right now, but he appreciates them even more because he knows how they go soft with affection and how they shine when Adam smiles. So many details he didn’t realize he had noticed before come out from his subconscious to play.

Adam licks his lips, biting the bottom one softly, and Kris holds his breath, watching. He tries to look away, but more details assault him, the freckles on the contours of Adam’s lips, the way he smiles wide, the way he smirks… It’s Adam that finally looks away, and it hits Kris at that second that Adam now probably thinks—that Adam knows— Kris himself isn’t even sure what there is to know about this. He doesn’t know what he feels. But if he didn’t want Adam to jump to—the possibly right—conclusion, he should’ve laughed it off, or at least smiled and looked away.

Now he’s in way over his head.

~

They finally get off the beach and start walking, and Kris is more confused and panicked than he’s ever been. He doesn’t know what to do, what to say, how to act, when he’d been doing just fine all day. They were having fun, and he had to go and ruin it all. He tries to think of a joke, something to make Adam think Kris is just dumb, and not a schoolboy with a crush, but he can’t come up with anything. When they stop to wait for Allison to put on her shoes, Kris takes a deep breath and gives himself a firm push over the edge.

“I didn’t mean to—I wasn’t—” he stutters, unable to complete the sentence, because how is he going to complete that? He didn’t mean to…what? Stare? Salivate over his new friend? Have a sexual awakening at an inopportune moment?

Before he can find a way to finish his thought, Adam stiffens and turns toward him with an obviously fake smile. “Oh, don’t worry about it,” he says, and his voice is so insincere, Kris finds himself recoiling from it. Then Adam is off to help out Allison, in a hurry to get away from him, and Kris is left cursing his stupidity.

~

Kris spends the fifteen minutes it takes them to get home warring with himself. It’s an accelerated sexual crisis; pros and cons and hows and whys running around in Kris’ mind. He has to decide before they get there, because then Adam will probably leave, and seeing as how he now thinks Kris is an asshole, Kris doubts he’d give him his phone number just in case Kris decides that he can do the gay thing after all.

Kris has never been attracted to men before. That’s what he keeps circling back to. This is both a pro and a con, which makes his decision all the more difficult. This may very well be a fluke, or it may be that Adam is special for him. Would it be worth it to let someone so special go just because he’s scared that he might be wrong?

By the time they put Allison to bed, he has still not reached a conclusion. But it appears his mind was made up even before he opened his mouth to spew nonsense in the first place, because when Adam turns to leave, Kris finds that he is incapable of letting him. He puts a hand on Adam’s shoulder—expecting a rejection, but boldly going for it anyway—and surprisingly, it actually works.

~

“I can close my eyes if that helps.”

It does help. Kris sings on autopilot, his mind busy with carefully watching Adam’s face, without Adam staring back at him this time. Kris takes in the curve of his lashes, the perfect eyebrows, his cheekbones, his jaw; it’s no wonder he wants this man. Adam is perfect. With the freckles and the weird hair and the make-up, Adam is a kind of beautiful Kris never even knew to dream about.

The song ends and Adam’s eyes blink open, staring straight at Kris. Then he looks away and clears his throat.

“You should really stop looking at me like that if you don’t mean to.”

Kris freezes. He didn’t realize he was being so obvious. This pace is so alien to him, both with his feelings and the openness Adam shows in return. Kris is more used to the traditional ‘like a girl, date a girl, kiss a girl, and then you get to lust after her openly’ type of relationships. Turning gay and being so brazenly in lust with a guy he met hours before is not something he ever thought he’d do.

But then Adam gets up to leave, and once again, the panic and the inappropriateness of the situation don’t matter at all. The only thing that matters is for Adam to stay.

“That’s not what I meant when I said that.”

Adam stops. Thankfully, he doesn’t ask what Kris meant, because that would only lead to more incoherency from Kris, and he’s been enough of a blundering idiot for one day, he thinks.

“Okay,” Adam says. “You’re saying you’re not freaking out?”

“No,” Kris says, shaking his head, but then realizes that he’s lying. “Well, a little bit.”

Adam gives him a tentative smile and steps closer to him. Kris’ breath gets stuck in his chest.

“You do know if I stay I’m going to kiss you, right?” Adam asks.

“I was kind of hoping—” Kris starts to say, but then Adam takes another step towards him and Kris finds himself unable to utter another word.

“Can I?” Adam asks, his voice no more than a whisper, and Kris nods.

The breath that was imprisoned in Kris’ chest breaks loose the moment Adam’s hand touches his skin. It’s so tentative and innocent; Kris wants to laugh with joy. Why was he so scared of this? Kris can’t stop the smile that’s taking over his face, because Adam’s eyes are so—he looks like he can’t quite believe that he gets to do this, and Kris wants to touch him and kiss him and tell him he can have all that and more—

But of course, that’s when Allison barges in.

~

Kris wakes up with a delicious ache all over his body. He stretches his arms, his legs, and wow—it is literally all over. He used muscles he didn’t know he had last night.

Adam is sleeping on his side, with his back to Kris, and Kris can’t fight the urge to pull down the covers to look at his naked back. Freckled, soft skin over a muscled body—he is so different, like a whole new species, but also incredibly beautiful. Kris runs a hand down his side, his palm cupping his hips, moving slowly towards the rise of his ass. He doesn’t want to wake Adam, but his fascination is too loud to be ignored.

He is naked, in bed, with a guy. It’s amazing.

He feels Adam waking up, a slight change in his breathing, a tensing in his shoulders, and then he turns around to face Kris with a sleepy smile and Kris wants a repeat of last night all over again. Adam reaches over to brush a kiss on his lips, then his arms are around Kris suddenly, tight and strong, pulling him up and over Adam. Kris’ heart beats hard enough to be heard next door.

Adam gives him another firm kiss—as if this is just normal, like Kris could or should or will be manhandled in bed every morning.

“Mmmm…” Adam says, pulling back from the kiss. “Sex or breakfast?” he asks.

Kris doesn’t even have to think about it. “Sex.”

Adam grins and rolls them over.

Kris decides that he can get used to the guy thing.

The End

September 10th, 2009